Monday, 14 March 2016


 This is my own opinion. Please treat it as so.

Puppet: a person, party, or state under the control of another person, group, or power.

How is it that people still allow themselves to be controlled by another person(s)? Is it a self esteem issue? Personal choice? Or is it a loss of nerve, unable to pull themselves out of a shitty situation.

I am not talking about abuse, although, it could be classified as a type of abuse I suppose. Abuse is abuse. Verbal abuse, physical abuse, mental abuse, none of those should be tolerated. No form of abuse should be tolerated, or allowed. It is unnessary and cowardly.

I am talking about how can one person twist your thought process from one idea into a whole new idea. You may not disagree with that person's thought, you may have never seen it the way they do. But, then you allow your heart to get in the way of what your morals are and allow yourself to become something you aren't. Someone you don't recognize in the mirror. Someone you said you wouldn't be. I get it's a form of mind control, yes I believe there is such a thing (just not the ESP type). Someone can twist your thoughts and make them your own even though they aren't. It is wrong. Though manipulation. Why would someone do that? What would possess you to control someone that way. Why would you want to control someone that way? You are a happy person, bubbly even. And then over time you change. You're withdrawn. Not happy all the time. See things that aren't there, not hallucinations, but make things up. You are no longer who you are. You have become someone's puppet. It isn't right. 

Yes, there is compromise to all relationships. You may not like your best friends taste in music, but you listen to it because they would do the same. But you wouldn't make your best friend buy the CD and concert tickets, because you know. That's not how relationships work. Any type of relationship. I don't claim to be a relationship expert. Probably the farthest thing from it. But I have seen people in shitty relationships, friendships, common-law relationships, marriages, just starting relationships. They start off great. Then something happens. He changes, or she changes and then they start making the other one conform to their ways. There is no compromise. There is no back bone. No standing up for what they want or disagree with. I don't get it. Yes, like I have said before, I am not perfect. Not even close. But it is wrong and something I don't get. You have your own mind. Use it. Say no. You are not there for everyone's pleasure. You have your own mind, morals and opinions. Use them. Challenge them. But don't abandon them. Be you. Don't let anyone change who you are. If they really care about you they shouldn't try and change you. 

I will never become someone's puppet. Call me stubborn, pig-headed, impossible or whatever floats your boat. But I am who I am for a reason. I have fought hard to become the person I am today. I will not sacrifice myself for anyone. I am a fighter. I am happy in my own skin. My mind may not love me at all times and I may feel worn down. Discouraged, depressed even. I have felt like a failure, more than once. But I am who I am, and no one is going to take that away from me. I learned a long time ago, if you don't like who you are only you can fix that. Create the person you want to be. Love yourself first. Don't let a boy/girl deflate you. Be strong. Stand your ground. Never forget those around you, who already love you for you who are, embrace them fully. They will be the ones there for you when you lose yourself. They will be the ones who you can call at anytime of the night for help. But always keep fighting. Be true to yourself. Remember who you are. My Dad always used to say "remember your last name" when I went out. At first I always thought that if I were to do something wrong that it would shame my last name and I would be a failure. Growing up, I now know to me that it is more than that. It is to remember who I am. I am strong. I know what I like and what I don't. What I want in life and what I don't. What I want for my kids and what I hope they never have to go through. I have morals. Standards even. I am not picky, lame or anything else. I am me. If you don't like me, too bad. I do, well, most of the time. I have friends and family who love me and that is all I need to make it. 

Never allow yourself to become someone's puppet. 
Love yourself first.


Thursday, 3 March 2016

Trying something new out....bare with me.'s been a is everyone? Well I hope. I have no idea what I want to write about, so I am going to go have a shower and think about it.....I will be back.

Still haven't showered, I didn't realize that children need to pre get ready for bed before they actually get ready for bed. The "I'm hungry" "I have to pee" I need to hum while I am pretending to brush my teeth until Mom uses the "this is the last warning!!! No story time if you don't hurry already!" Then it's the I will sloooooowly brush my teeth, while still arguing with my sibling just enough to stop before Mom calls last warning. And then it's the getting undressed and actually possibly thinking of getting into bed. But still not 100% sure about that yet. I may stand there like I have had my brains sucked out by the Buddy doll lying on the floor who is quite possibly possessed by demons or other beings for a few minutes until I can hear you walking down the hall. If you don't know what a Buddy doll is, I highly suggest Googling it. Then you will understand the Chucky doll! And why this doll has followed me around since my younger brother was little. He received it and tormented my older brother with it, into adulthood. He is one creepy ass doll....and now my daughter has adopted it as her own. She has loved Buddy since she was a baby...I have video of her to prove it. Kissing this damn creepy doll, I am sure it has been slowly sucking the soul out of her...that would explain a lot actually...hold on! STORY TIME! We made it!!!!

Clean!!! Well I think so anyway...half way through my shower I realized that I had forgotten my towels in my room and had to use the towels in the bathroom. Which I am sure have kids toothpaste spit on them. So I felt like I should almost reshower, but I didn't. So cleanish is what I am. Why do they say you have your best thoughts in the bathroom? They do say that right...maybe they don't. Well I didn't have any great thoughts. I was trying to decide what to write for this, and I have come up with not a friggen thing. This is more of a test blog anyway. I want to see if it will actually post to my FB page with out me actually really doing much work. I think I have them linked together properly....but I am not my IT guy, so it probably won't work (Marcus, if you actually read this, or read this far don't stop....if this doesn't post....I may require your assistance when you come up in April for your birthday, aka The Main Event dart tourney). But here's to hoping.

I went to see my Dr today because I am afraid I am going to become dependent on the Zoplicone that I was given (Squirrel, not a real squirrel, just a side note, a random thought in my random thought..with me? Cuz I'm not, wow this is exhausting to type...let alone read I am sure. Do you know how hard it is to try and make capitals in a sentence when the left shift key doesn't always like to work because of a spill accident...freaking hard!!! I am not winning this battle at all) so I wanted to know if I could just take a OTC sleep aid. She told me there is a probability to become dependent on any sleep aid and to not believe everything I read on the internet (who knew!) But that they would all do the same thing...knock me out! (She said put me to sleep, same thing) She also told me that I should start keeping a journal, you know the pen and paper type, because it should help me get some of the things that keep me awake for HOURS before I actually fall asleep out. Well, as some people will know, I suck at keeping up with anything!!!! I have probably like 4 different type of journals going all at the same time. Like you have no idea. Some for random thoughts, poetry, more random thoughts, bucket list items that kind of stuff. Completely made up shit is my favourite, if I could write a complete sentence ( my grade 12 English teacher told me I lacked that) I could probably write a kick ass book about nonsense. I will probably give it the journal a try, on paper too, she said that any type of screen isn't a good thing before bed because it is a stimulant, I am not sure I completely agree with that either...I know many a people who can fall asleep as soon as the TV is turned on (you all know who you are). But I am willing to try anything to make my brain quit screaming at me while I am trying to dream wonderful dreams.

Alright, I am pretty sure I have bored everyone at this point....I am so sorry

Also, for those who have liked my FB page, I thank you. I have no intentions to keep it up regularly, that is just not me. But I will try and post something once and while to keep you mildly entertained. I hope. I don't want to become professional blogger, god nope. I don't what to become a professional anything....unless it's the significant other of a famous person, then I could become a professional that. That will never happen, so no professionalism from me. I save my professionalism for work. (Stop laughing girls).

Have a great evening. Maybe then I will have figured what the eff I am doing...not likely but here is hoping!!!