Wednesday, 31 December 2014

The year that changed everything

Never did I think I would end up where I am right now. Sitting here in my bed, listening to music and having my morning coffee, only because my headache is too strong for tea, thinking about the past events of this year. It has been crazy to say the least. A crazy I don't regret or want to change. Life has a way of making its way. Whether it be something you want to endure or something you just want to pass quickly so you can move on. This year was full of life. Changes happened but change is inevitable. I love my life. I have always loved my life. I have a family support system unlike anything else. Watching the pride on my parents faces when I made the national team this year for Darts was amazing. I honestly didn't think I would make it but a few good days and there I was. Sitting 4th on the provincial team. Also the support I received when I moved back home with the kids after I made the decision to leave my marriage. They are amazing people, if you don't have great parents to encourage you and push you along I am sorry. Friends are also my greatest support system. They have seen me at my best and at my worst. I am crazy at best. I have the greatest friends who support my crazy and all right there with me. We don't always see eye to eye on everything but who does? You have to have different idea and ideals in order to maintain a healthy relationship. If everyone thought the same thing the world would suck. I pretty much have an opinion for everything.

2014 has been full of ups and downs. I saw Hedley twice......highlight for sure. Nothing like seeing your favourite band up close and "personal" Saw the Backstreet Boys with my two greatest and oldest friends. That was phenomenal. Spending time with my two favourite people is always a great thing. The shenanigans we get up too is always fun. Also took my son to go see Blake Shelton. His first concert. I loved it and I hope that he enjoyed himself. Also took in a few under the radar bands. The Gay Nineties was amazing as well as The Darcys. I love music. If I could afford to go to all bands that come through the city I would. I am looking forward to music and concerts in 2015.

I have said it before it has been a crazy year. Work changed. I have been basically at the same desk for 7.5 years. Working for some of the greatest doctors in Saskatchewan. I had the same 6 doctors for a good almost 3 years. In August I moved to another area in the clinic and work for 4 more of the greatest Doctors in the province. I love my job. I love the people I work with. I have built great relationships over the past almost 8 years. The change wasn't easy. I liked my old desk. A lot. It was a blast. Never a dull moment for sure. Always laughing. My new desk is quieter, not the central place of people. Still never a dull moment. The doctors are just as funny. I have known them all for a long time but not seeing them everyday (yes that happens in a clinic with 25 Doctors) and not working with them on a daily basis before I moved made it different. Now we all have our systems. I have complete control over my area....thus feeding my OCD a little. I like my job.

If you aren't happy in your life, change it. Be your kind of happy.  No one else can make you happy but you. Take the steps necessary to become who you have always wanted to be. Nothing is out of reach. You can do and be anything. Don't let negative people in. They will bring you down and stunt you. You are beautiful no matter what. We are all here for a reason.

To those in my life helping me discover me again, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. You have no idea how much I value you. For the most part you know you are. To those who I don't know that well but are still very important I thank you. To your little things, you posts on IG for me, and embracing me with only meeting me once, I thank you. For being ever as crazy as I am. And to the other who we haven't always seen eye to eye I thank you. For many things, for challenging me, for being an important part in one most important people in my life's life. For making me smile on basically daily basis, I cannot wait to actually meet you face to face next year.

Chickipoo....I miss you everyday. I love you. Skyping with you on Christmas eve was a big highlight for sure. It took way too long tho. We should have done it sooner. I can't wait for the next time. We should with the kids!!

"I am no longer terrified of being alone because I am no longer terrified of myself" ~ Jacob Hoggard

Love ya

Tuesday, 23 September 2014

Get off your high horse......

This is completely my own opinion. I do not mean to stir the pot. A tweet was made the other day that really rubbed me the wrong way.  It was regarding the water used in the ALS ice bucket challenges and how it wasn't done in other countries because they don't have the luxury of clean running water. A known person made this comment. Before I start....I am going to post some facts that I made sure I found before posting this. I have stewed on this statement for over 24 hours now. It's just as aggravating now as it was when it was posted.

~ More than 70% of fresh water is used for agriculture.
~10% is used for human consumption.
~783 million people do not have access to clean and safe water, meaning 1 in 9 worldwide do not have access to safe and clean drinking water.
~89% of the worlds population has access to improved drinking water.
~There are 500 000 diarrhoeal deaths per year.
~Diarrhoea is no longer among the 5 leading causes of death. It is still in the top 10.

~8.2 million people died from cancer in 2012. It is the leading cause of death worldwide
~Chronic disease causes 60% of deaths worldwide. 80% of those deaths occur in low and middle income countries.

~Outdoor air pollution in cities are rural areas caused 3.7million premature deaths in 2012. 88% of those deaths occurred in low to middle income countries.
~80% due to heart disease and strokes
14% due to COPD and lower respiratory infections.
6% due to lung cancer.

~Tobacco kills 6 million people year.
~More than 5 million are a result of direct tobacco use, more than 600 000 are the result of non smokers exposed to second hand smoke.
~1 person dies every six seconds from tobacco, that's 1 in 10 adult deaths.

~35% women worldwide have experienced violence from a spouse or significant other.
~More than 2000 children die from an injury that could have been prevented.
~ 6.3 million children under 5 died in 2013, that's almost 17000 a day.....
~83% of deaths are caused by neonatal or nutritional conditions.

~450 000 people are diagnosed with ALS every year and they all succumb to this within 2 to 3 years. It is fatal.

The top 10 leading causes of death in the world in 2012
1. Ischaemic heart disease
2. Stroke
4. Lower respiratory infections
5. Trachea bronchus, lung cancers
7. Diarrhoeal diseases
8. Diabetes mellitus
9. Road Injury
10. Hypertensive Heart disease.

 Celebrities or people with influence are approached by organizations to help them spread the word of what could be done to help those who need it. Be it clean drinking water or helping make Cancer a word of the past. We would all like to see all of the world issued irraticated. But that takes all kinds of people helping out will all organizations. I don't understand why they think their charity is more important than another charity. It is complete bullshit. I get what they are doing. I firmly believe in helping those who need it. I do not agree with you telling me that just because people where doing the bucket challenge makes them any less than a person because there are children in Kenya who do not have complete access to clean and fresh water.....think about that the next time you open a bottle of water....or you have a nice warm shower after being out for days in the wilderness..... Just because people are helping fight a cause doesn't make it any less important that the cause you believe in and are helping with.

They push their charities and organizations on their minions. And they all follow. I am sure everyone has donated because their favorite celebrity has said it will help out people in need. I have grown up watching ads for all sorts of charities. I have my charities that I believe in . Some are local and some are worldwide. I believe everyone at some point needs to help out. Not to make yourself feel better but to help make a difference. If you think about how much celebrities make by doing either movies, music or any other form of arts, authors, directors, public speakers. They make enough money to probably help fix a huge portion of the worlds they? No. Why because they go to these countries and push their minions to make a difference. And then go home at the end of the day and sleep in their big cushy beds and that's it. Until they are approached again to do the exact same thing. Not all celebs are like that either. I am not generalizing about them all. But how often are they helping out at home? Half of the united states is struggling. They have homeless and starving adults and children. And what do they do? They turn away. It's shameful.

Just because we help out with different organizations doesn't make us any less of a person. That is the impression I got from this person. That because some donated to ALS, who have most likely donated to other causes and issues that are concerning, they are getting shamed because they poured some water on their heads. Piss off. Seriously. Do not think you are better than me because your status helps you help out in a bigger way. Everyone does their part in their own way. Do not imply that what I am doing is wrong because you believe in something else.

Get off you pedestal and look around you. There is more than one world issue at hand. Everyone is trying to their part.

In closing I am adding a list of charities...I know there are some that I have missed and I am sorry. Also, please look within your city and see what you can do to help. There is always things you can do, help at a soup kitchen, food banks and lots of other things. I am not perfect. But I do not take for granted what I have and what I have been given in my life, when there are millions struggling to survive day to day. Just get off your high horse.....

Charities  click on Donate Now  click Donate click Donate  click Donate Now

(I found my facts on the WHO website)

Like I said before this is completely my opinion.


Saturday, 13 September 2014

A normal seeming with a different meaning

Happy Sept would have been my 6th wedding anniversary. Yep. Just six. Together for a total of 12. Today was the day I said I do. And I didn't. Today is going to be a day I feel I let everyone down. My parents paid for my wedding.......that was a waste. People came celebrate the day. That's gone. Today is the day I got up early with my two best friends and my cousin and got ready for the day. Hair,  make up the whole bit. Put on my dress.  I loved my dress. Dominic put on his little suit...omg was he cute.  Then the limo came...yes my Dad got me a limo. We headed down and I got married to who I thought (even tho he proposed 3 times prior and I said no) I would spend the rest of my life with. You can change your last name.....but you can't change the person who had it first.  Then pictures. Oh man. We had great pictures. I loved them. The the supper.  Dancing with my Dad. I'm a Daddy's girl. I love him more than life. I loved our dance. I was a special moment. Dancing with my friends and family.  I love to dance so I hold those dances close. The gift opening the next day. Jesus. I am a horrible person. Making people spend all that money and now for what? God I am bad person.

Why couldn't I make it work? Why didn't I just become the person he wanted me to be?

I am sorry for letting everyone down.


Thursday, 14 August 2014

Wow......they say things happen in threes.....

Today is the day where I wish I could disappear and not deal with life.

The City cut off my power sometime yesterday afternoon.....great! So I called this morning and they were confused because there should be power running to my apartment. Nope....still not. So my land lady called to see what was going on....they had me listed at 211 4230 .....not 211 4234.....I was paying for power for a condo that I didn't inhabit....super....I got a call about an hour later at work saying that all was fixed and that my power should be restored...super! And an email address for a claims department for the food that I will be losing due to the lack of power that I haven't had for the past 20 hours. Nice!! I get home at power...FML I just want to pack up and head for the camper!!! So I leave and go to my parents....they have rum....and power. OH...and the it 38 degrees celsius today......great day to have no power...hottest effing day of the whole year!!!! YES!!! I call the land lady...she is just a pissed as I am. So the city calls her and say apparently they have been trying to call phone has NOT rang. They are worried that I have something on because there is quite the load on my meter....I have nothing power remember....nothing that was running before the power was cut...beside the fridge....EFF. So they didn't turn it on. My landlady checked my apartment (I'm at Mom's drinking rum....) Nope nothing she goes and flips the breaker...POWER!!!!! But there was a heavy load of power....she is phoning them back to tell them that that isn't right and I shouldn't have anymore issues!! Yay!! One of today's issues fixed!!! Thank god.....I am a effing mess!!

My cell phone slipped and fell off my lap at the end of July....screen broke...great!! So what do I do...go down to my cell phone provider and see what needs to be phone still works but I have having a broken fix it....300-400 bucks...ouch....but do I have extended warranty they guy asks...I dunno look. YES!! I sure do...why because I know myself...I will break the phone...great! Get a number for the company who deals with them for extended warranty. Whoo hoo.....I call them and they either want 381 dollars which is the remaining balance for my phone charged to my credit card and then they will send me a new phone. Once I get the new phone I hook it up and then send them my broken phone and once they get that they will refund me 281....100 dollar deductible. OR I send them my phone, leaving me phoneless, and the $100 dollar deductible and once they receive it they will ship me a new phone....Option 1. So I explain to my boss, what the situation is and he goes I can help. I will give you the money and take it out of your benefits and then you can just pay it back through your deductions for your benefits...yay!! Greatest boss ever!!! So I get the money, apply it to my visa and then call the company back and start my claim. Whoop whoop. Visa is charged. They will send my new phone out within 24 to 48 hours and I should get it within 2-4 business days! Nothing.....nothing.....nothing....frustrated....still nothing....okok...I will check the tracking number and see what eff is going on. So I do...this morning....while dealing with my effing power issue. The website says they haven't shipped my phone because my visa was decline....uhhhh...nope nope it wasn't. I have the charge on the visa. So what do I do...I call the numbers I have....neither one of them work....I google the company...their what the eff am I supposed to do. I call my cell phone dealer...I get a number of a guy in the north end dealing with the claims end. Ok super. I call him....he tells me that the company has basically vanished. Their numbers are disconnected and the website doesn't exist anymore....are you effing kidding me!!! I wanna hit someone with a fucking chair!! So he takes my number, email address and claim number. And then tells me he will email next week to tell me what they are doing for those affected by this, also, to call my visa company and report the fraud...because this is what he is calling it. Ok alright sure. I call my visa company. I start a claim with them about the charge on my visa. OMG!!!!  So I am waiting to hear back from them about the charge and from my cellular company. Sure I can live with my phone. It still works. It just looks beat up. Which it is.

So I am sitting at my Mom's alone, they are camping...god I wish I was camping, drink a rum and trying not to have a total melt down. They say things happen in threes......I have had two...I stayed home from Volleyball tonight....didn't really feel like the third to be a ball in the face again.

Buh bye

Sunday, 3 August 2014

Chapter 2 - New beginnings

July 11th.... the day I made the decision that I couldn't be in my marriage any more.  For the past 12 years I have loved the same person. Married for almost 6. I didn't have the fight to fight.

We have spent the past 12 years fighting.  Over anything and everything.  Yes we did have times that were great. We have 2 beautiful children together.  They are my life. We are different people. We don't even have the same groups of friends anymore. We were two separate people trying to make it work. I couldn't.

I am not saying I am perfect and I didnt contribute to the problems. I am half of the relationship. I know I didn't make it easy. But I wanted the person I was expected to be and if you cannot accept me for who I am from the beginning. You're right it's not going to work.

Now I am me. I have a new place, new stuff. A vehicle of my own. It feels nice. I have the support of my family and wonderful friends. I am happy.  I haven't been for a long time.  I am on MY own.

Who knows what is ahead of me.  But nothing is going to stop me from being myself and happy anymore.


Friday, 20 June 2014

I don't get it

If you know me, I love my friends. I have my select few who mean the world to me. This past week I have basically lost respect for 2 of their husbands. Seriously what is with men treating girls like shit and walking all over them. It's disgusting. Yes I am calling the kettle black. My marriage is anything but perfect. I have been through a lot. A lot of girls would have left. I probably should have at some point. But I haven't. But this has nothing to do with me.

I just don't think girls deserve the shit they are put through. Cheating husbands...I mean it in anyway. Talking to a girl about topics that you shouldn't talk about while you are married. You are disrespecting your wife and the girl you are having these discussions with. And then going out on separate occasions with the girl who isn't your wife....fuck you...seriously. I am done with you. You have been removed from my life. I love my best friend and she comes first always. Yes I have been cheated on...not the greatest feeling. I understand you want to work through your issues. But seriously!!!

Being treated like shit isn't fun. Talk to your wife like she is the most important being in your life. Because she is. If you wouldn't talk to your mother like that do NOT talk to your wife like that. Do not dummy your wife/significant other. She is smart and has to put up with your bullshit everyday. She should throw your ass to the curb. But she doesn't she sticks with you. I think it's bull. Yes, pot calling the kettle black. I just don't like to see my friends get hurt. I wish men would realize what they do to us and change it accordingly.

What happened to my Dad's generation? He is a gentleman, treats my mom like gold. Flowers on Valentine's Day, Mother's day, her birthday and just because. He can cook, clean and do his own laundry. Baah! I am frustrated with how things have changed. Yes I am snowballing into other things. But I have a lot on my mind and now somewhere to put it. All of these opinions are my own. Yes they will probably cause some people issues with me but seriously. I don't care. This is what I am thinking.

I still don't know what the eff I am doing!!!

Friday, 13 June 2014

Day 4 - Mixed Doubles

A day late but last night was a late one!

Mixed doubles was better than ladies doubles by far. Didn't make it out of our section but my darts were better. Warming up they felt good like they usually do, even threw a 171 during warm up! Felt good. For my non dart peeps, a 171 is 3 triple 19's. It's the 180 of 19s. Play started slow. We struggled a little bit. I was paired with Ken Friesen, great guy and great dart player. We found a groove here and there. Had a couple good matches. Then it happened....I threw a 171 while playing!! Made my fucking day! I have only even been able to throw a 171 while warming up. So I was pumped. We lost the match but I was still excited.

No Saskatchewan teams made it out of their sections. Danny McKenzie and Kathy Kerrigan had a playoff to make it out but they weren't able too......I was the chalker (new career I tell ya!)

Oh and just a side note....don't move your gum around while you are not allowed to move a fucking muscle.....ask me about it....I have a story! Dummy.

We had out banquet yesterday night as well. They handed out awards and trophies. Food was good. Came back early and Skyped with Julius and the Kids. Kierstyn is a hilarious kid.

Today is the Nodor cup and tomorrow is the Canadian Open. Nationals are done my friends. :) I had a great time. Met some awesome people. Today I am also going to do some shopping. Hope the weather hold out.'s just rain.

Check ya later!

Wednesday, 11 June 2014

Day 3 - Ladies singles

Today was better. Fruit Loops and coffee for brekkie! Back to basics!!!!

Warming up was good. My section wasn't too bad. I took more than yesterday. I only got 2 wins for the day, but I knew walking into Nationals that there were a lot of players who are better than me and to just play my game and that is what I did. Yes, I should have had more outs. And trust me I was hard on myself. I got in my head, analyzed my stance.....screwed myself up for a game and then slapped myself back into reality. Played my game and improved big time!!! Wins didn't happen but a all around better day.

3 Sask ladies made it through. Bonnie LaPierre,  Cathy Kerrigan and Joan Hodgen. Cathy and Joan were knocked out in the first round.  Bonnie made it 1 round further and then was knocked out. Apparently if my dart career doesn't oan out, I am one hell of a chalker!!! Everyone was commenting on my math skills. ...

We had a team supper tonight at Bluenose II. I was good. I had salmon and mashed potatoes. It was good to go out with everyone. After that we walked around the Harbour.  Took some pictures and then went to the casino.

Tomorrow is mixed doubles and the banquet.
Picture from the Harbour.  So beautiful! 
Another day! Friday is more sight seeing in the afternoon. Going to be so fun!!

Until then!

Tuesday, 10 June 2014

Day 2 - Ladies Doubles

Today was rough!!

Woke up at 6:15 my time....too damn early at home! Got dressed...cannot have breakfast in our jammies....hotel rules. Had and egg, sausage, biscuit and juice. Tomorrow will be cereal.....stick with a good thing. Oh and a tea! I miss my tea!

Took the shuttle to the BMO center. Big place. Google's pretty cool. Grabbed my darts and started practicing....was throwing well. I was feeling good.  Tired but good. Announced the march in and ti assemble with our team. Did that. We then listened to a few people talk. The introduced team champions!! Yay to ours.  Danny McKenzie and Kathy Kerrigan. Then we threw a while longer.  While we waited for team pictures. Did that. I'll post it when I get it.

After running about 30 mins late we finally get started.  And that's when it happened. ....I fell apart. Double s isn't my strong suit to begin with. But today was awful. I feel sorry for Joan having to be stuck with me all day. She wasn't playing her best either. It was a bad bad day!  I finished 2 games....but when they don't go by finishes but by best of 3 and it's a w or l by your I said bad day!!

I needed to get into a groove and didn't.  Painful. I haven't shot sooo shitty for a long time. Welcome to Nationals! Baah! Never been so happy to have a day done!

Kathy Kerrigan and Bonnie LaPierre made it out of their section. Only Saskdoubles team to make it out. Men and women. They made joint 5th!! Yay!!

Went and got subway for supper and some candy to make me feel better ;)

Tomorrow is another day and a whole new game. Cannot beat myself up over a day that is done! Oh...and it rained almost all afternoon/evening.  Must have been the weathers fault....right?

Now before I go to bed.....its five to nine here....Thank you to everyone whonhas supported me. All your words of encouragement have been great!!!


Monday, 9 June 2014

Made it to Halifax

Made it!! I am sitting my hotel room. I haven't decided in whether i am going to go to bed or stay up a little bit longer. I am exhausted!! I have no idea how people do this all the time.

I am away. Darts starts tomorrow and i am terrified on how i will do. Tomorrow is ladies  doubles. Should be interesting. I just have to play my game and thats it. Baah!!

Going to need coffee tomorrow!!!!

I'm awake

As I am wiping the sleep from my eyes, wondering why I haven't put tea on. I know, I should be getting mobile.  I have an hour until I leave and pick up Dad so he can bring me to the airport.

Never been on a plane before....meh. Headed to Calgary first. So I get to wake up get somewhat concious before we fly the long flight from Saskatoon to Calgary...yay...then sit for 3 hours before we fly to Halifax! I better turn the kettle on.