The glue that holds us together.

Matriarch - a woman who is the head of a family or tribe.

 February 25th 1930 one of the greatest women alive was brought into the world. Just as the "dirty 30s" started. She is the second of two children, both girls. Gloria Mae Johnson was born. My grandmother.  She is now the definition of a matriarch. She has over come a lot in her days. She had to raise 4 children on her own, one of them, my dad.....that had to be hard enough!! Haha!! She worked at the hospital while raising her children. She never missed an event that included her children, sports, etc. She was and still is one hell of a mom!! Most people now can barely raise their children properly with two parents. She raised 4 outstanding children. All successful. And all four married and went on to have children of their own. Grandma has 10 grandchildren. Those 10 grandchildren have given her 20 great grandchildren. Needless to say family gatherings in the Stephanson clan are loud, busy and full of great memories!! 

Sure I am biased, everyone is proud of their families. I love mine to the moon and back and would do anything for any one of them. But to me raising a family on your own is more real than ever. Yes, I have the kids father around, Grandma didn't have that for most of it. She did it on her own. Ask my dad, uncles or aunt. They will tell you how Grandma managed them and work. Different generation, different mind set. Where you worked hard for what you wanted. No sense of entitlement then. Either you worked for what you wanted to support your family or it didn't happen. No buy outs. You start from the ground and work your way up. Every single one of her children have done it. The work ethic I have now was handed down to me from my father, who learned it from his mother. My children will learn what it is like to work for what you want and it will not be handed to you on a silver platter. Life doesn't work that way. 

The memories I have. I will always have. The trips to Basant with my cousins and Grandma. Grandma showing up at every dance recital, baseball game and sporting event, even when we moved she would when she could. She had 10 grandchildren to cater to now. 4 wasn't so bad!! Good thing we were all basically in the same events. Definitely not all at the same time. I have no idea how she did it. But it seemed like she never missed anything!! Even with her great grandchildren, if she can attend a event that is going on with one of them she will be. She gets such joy watching them do what they love to do.  She is super woman to me. Baking.....oh my lord......Grandma can bake....and she bakes everything!! Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving. We used to stuff 4 children and 10 grandchildren into her house. It was cramped to say the least. But we made it work. Why? Because when Grandma wants something....she gets it. We do not argue with Grandma. What Grandma says goes. Those are memories none of us will ever forget. Lefse........that is all. No greater fight at family functions now in my parents doesn't involve Lefse and who is hording it all. Back to the baking, she did baking for her 4 children and sent enough for the families. Now....she does them for her 4 children and 10 grandchildren. Christmas isn't Christmas without Grandma's baking. I am forever thankful for that. An ice cream pail full of different types of baking. Rice krispie balls, multiple squares, shortbread...she is a miracle worker. I am sure that she needs to start January after Christmas in order to get it all done. Between that, the lefse and everything else she does. She bowls, plays crib, goes on bus tours to see Blue Jays games. Her and Ray are forever traveling to multiple places. One coast to another. Down through the states. She is the most active person I know. She could easily run circles around me. She comes from a different generation. 

85 years on this planet. She has been through a lot! That's 14 Prime Ministers, 1 World War, 27 Olymipic games, Blue Jays winning 2 World Series, Bonnie and Clyde, Al Capone, Amelia Erhart,  Hindenburg, Anne Frank, Bikini's being introduced, Color TV, James Dean, Rosa Parks, Grace Kelly, JFK, Martin Luther King Jr., Mandela, First Man on the Moon, Beatles, E.T., and the list goes on. To have experienced everything she has would be amazing!! I would have loved to live in that time. You made it on your own. How life was different. 

Stephanson's are proud to be who we are. We come from good stock. We were raised right. We are raising our children right. I love my family, wouldn't trade it for anything. I love the life I have been given. I hope my children grow up with the proper sense of hard work. I love both sides of my family, I am blessed to be part of two wonderful families. The Wheelers will definitely come up in a later post. Great memories there as well!! I am very fortunate with the people who I am blessed to call my family.

Grandma, thank you. For everything you have done and continue to do. You are the glue that holds this family together. Thank you for the memories you have given me and continue to give to me and now my children. For being such a prominent figure in my life, thank you. For your no nonsense way of life, thank you. For raising 4 wonderful children, thank you. For loving me, thank you. 

Love always, 

8th of 10 proud grandchildren,  

Stacey

Impatiently Patiently Waiting....

Impatient: 1. having or showing a tendency to be quickly irritated or provokes
                  2. restlessly eager

Patient: 1. able to accept or tolerate delays, problems, or suffering with out becoming annoyed or        anxious.

As I am sitting here, drinking my decaf Chai tea and keeping my phone close.....

We are either coming or going. Most of us don't know which we are doing at the time we are doing it. I know I am usually wandering around aimlessly hoping I figure out why I left the room to begin with....I am terrified to know how I will be as I get older. The other day I walked to work, which I used to do all the time, at ten to five I left my desk in search to start my car. I walked into another part of work and realized that I won't find my car. It was left in it's parking spot. I felt like a fool. Got a good laugh out of it, I blame my children. I think I have a good memory. I remember things that I am not too sure why I still remember them but I do. Sometime it proves itself useful. Music, I know my music. Lyrics, artists and albums. I am usually pretty good. Work, I have stored what I though wouldn't be pertinent information, but it has come in handy.

What happened to kids....I asked my 10 year old son to take the garbage out for me this evening....he cried. Are you serious???? I was doing dishes, vacuuming, dusting and pretending to clean my room at 10. Where does he get that thought that he doesn't have to help out around the house? I have never said don't worry buddy...Mom will do it. Pfft, are you kidding me!!! I was raised to help out, whether you wanted to or not. Most of the time I didn't want to. I still have issues cleaning my room!! But I do it, now I enjoy cleaning, for the most part. So when he came back in and sulked to his room hoping to hide from me, I made him come back out and help me do the dishes. Dishes he is fine with. But the thought of having to put his pants back on and go out was waaaaay too much work. Good Grief!! I don't get it. But I am probably not supposed too. That would be life.

There is going to be a new face to look out into the world soon (it is NOT me). I cannot wait to meet this tiny human. He/she will loved like no other.  They are truly a miracle and I am so happy that I have opportunity to be apart of their life. As we wait for their arrival I have thought of all the wonderful things they will be able to see. I hope the places they will get to go and the love that they will feel from their parents and close family and friends. Growing up hearing stories of their family and finding out all sorts of funny things about their parents. Growing up in a loving home is one of the most important things. And this baby will have all of that. Their parents are two of the most amazing people I know. I am blessed to be "auntie" I take that role very seriously. There is nothing better than being Auntie. I get to spoil them to the end of the earth and back. Mom and Dad cannot say anything because what Auntie says at the time will win....Aunties always win!! Rescuing Mom when she is at her last wit end and helping in anyway that I can.

As you first peer into this world I want you to know:

The world can be cruel, don't let it bring you down.
You can accomplish anything your heart desires.
Patience and perseverance will get you far in your life.
Always know you have someone to talk to even when you are afraid.
You have a guardian angel. She is always watching over and protecting you. She will listen when no one else will.
You are loved.
You will make mistakes, they don't define you.
Don't let the negative things take control, there is always 2 positives to 1 negative.
Always believe in yourself.
Hard work pays off.
Listen to your parents, they are usually right.
Dance like no one is watching and sing even if sounds bad.

And know that I love you. Always. I will always be here, I love your Mama and will do anything for you and her. Now....geeeeettt oooouuuuttt!!!

The year that changed everything

Never did I think I would end up where I am right now. Sitting here in my bed, listening to music and having my morning coffee, only because my headache is too strong for tea, thinking about the past events of this year. It has been crazy to say the least. A crazy I don't regret or want to change. Life has a way of making its way. Whether it be something you want to endure or something you just want to pass quickly so you can move on. This year was full of life. Changes happened but change is inevitable. I love my life. I have always loved my life. I have a family support system unlike anything else. Watching the pride on my parents faces when I made the national team this year for Darts was amazing. I honestly didn't think I would make it but a few good days and there I was. Sitting 4th on the provincial team. Also the support I received when I moved back home with the kids after I made the decision to leave my marriage. They are amazing people, if you don't have great parents to encourage you and push you along I am sorry. Friends are also my greatest support system. They have seen me at my best and at my worst. I am crazy at best. I have the greatest friends who support my crazy and all right there with me. We don't always see eye to eye on everything but who does? You have to have different idea and ideals in order to maintain a healthy relationship. If everyone thought the same thing the world would suck. I pretty much have an opinion for everything.

2014 has been full of ups and downs. I saw Hedley twice......highlight for sure. Nothing like seeing your favourite band up close and "personal" Saw the Backstreet Boys with my two greatest and oldest friends. That was phenomenal. Spending time with my two favourite people is always a great thing. The shenanigans we get up too is always fun. Also took my son to go see Blake Shelton. His first concert. I loved it and I hope that he enjoyed himself. Also took in a few under the radar bands. The Gay Nineties was amazing as well as The Darcys. I love music. If I could afford to go to all bands that come through the city I would. I am looking forward to music and concerts in 2015.


I have said it before it has been a crazy year. Work changed. I have been basically at the same desk for 7.5 years. Working for some of the greatest doctors in Saskatchewan. I had the same 6 doctors for a good almost 3 years. In August I moved to another area in the clinic and work for 4 more of the greatest Doctors in the province. I love my job. I love the people I work with. I have built great relationships over the past almost 8 years. The change wasn't easy. I liked my old desk. A lot. It was a blast. Never a dull moment for sure. Always laughing. My new desk is quieter, not the central place of people. Still never a dull moment. The doctors are just as funny. I have known them all for a long time but not seeing them everyday (yes that happens in a clinic with 25 Doctors) and not working with them on a daily basis before I moved made it different. Now we all have our systems. I have complete control over my area....thus feeding my OCD a little. I like my job.

If you aren't happy in your life, change it. Be your kind of happy.  No one else can make you happy but you. Take the steps necessary to become who you have always wanted to be. Nothing is out of reach. You can do and be anything. Don't let negative people in. They will bring you down and stunt you. You are beautiful no matter what. We are all here for a reason.

To those in my life helping me discover me again, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. You have no idea how much I value you. For the most part you know you are. To those who I don't know that well but are still very important I thank you. To your little things, you posts on IG for me, and embracing me with only meeting me once, I thank you. For being ever as crazy as I am. And to the other who we haven't always seen eye to eye I thank you. For many things, for challenging me, for being an important part in one most important people in my life's life. For making me smile on basically daily basis, I cannot wait to actually meet you face to face next year.

Chickipoo....I miss you everyday. I love you. Skyping with you on Christmas eve was a big highlight for sure. It took way too long tho. We should have done it sooner. I can't wait for the next time. We should with the kids!!

"I am no longer terrified of being alone because I am no longer terrified of myself" ~ Jacob Hoggard


Love ya
Me

Get off your high horse......

This is completely my own opinion. I do not mean to stir the pot. A tweet was made the other day that really rubbed me the wrong way.  It was regarding the water used in the ALS ice bucket challenges and how it wasn't done in other countries because they don't have the luxury of clean running water. A known person made this comment. Before I start....I am going to post some facts that I made sure I found before posting this. I have stewed on this statement for over 24 hours now. It's just as aggravating now as it was when it was posted.

~ More than 70% of fresh water is used for agriculture.
~10% is used for human consumption.
~783 million people do not have access to clean and safe water, meaning 1 in 9 worldwide do not have access to safe and clean drinking water.
~89% of the worlds population has access to improved drinking water.
~There are 500 000 diarrhoeal deaths per year.
~Diarrhoea is no longer among the 5 leading causes of death. It is still in the top 10.

~8.2 million people died from cancer in 2012. It is the leading cause of death worldwide
~Chronic disease causes 60% of deaths worldwide. 80% of those deaths occur in low and middle income countries.

~Outdoor air pollution in cities are rural areas caused 3.7million premature deaths in 2012. 88% of those deaths occurred in low to middle income countries.
~80% due to heart disease and strokes
14% due to COPD and lower respiratory infections.
6% due to lung cancer.

~Tobacco kills 6 million people year.
~More than 5 million are a result of direct tobacco use, more than 600 000 are the result of non smokers exposed to second hand smoke.
~1 person dies every six seconds from tobacco, that's 1 in 10 adult deaths.

~35% women worldwide have experienced violence from a spouse or significant other.
~More than 2000 children die from an injury that could have been prevented.
~ 6.3 million children under 5 died in 2013, that's almost 17000 a day.....
~83% of deaths are caused by neonatal or nutritional conditions.

~450 000 people are diagnosed with ALS every year and they all succumb to this within 2 to 3 years. It is fatal.

The top 10 leading causes of death in the world in 2012
1. Ischaemic heart disease
2. Stroke
3. COPD
4. Lower respiratory infections
5. Trachea bronchus, lung cancers
6. HIV/AIDS
7. Diarrhoeal diseases
8. Diabetes mellitus
9. Road Injury
10. Hypertensive Heart disease.

 Celebrities or people with influence are approached by organizations to help them spread the word of what could be done to help those who need it. Be it clean drinking water or helping make Cancer a word of the past. We would all like to see all of the world issued irraticated. But that takes all kinds of people helping out will all organizations. I don't understand why they think their charity is more important than another charity. It is complete bullshit. I get what they are doing. I firmly believe in helping those who need it. I do not agree with you telling me that just because people where doing the bucket challenge makes them any less than a person because there are children in Kenya who do not have complete access to clean and fresh water.....think about that the next time you open a bottle of water....or you have a nice warm shower after being out for days in the wilderness..... Just because people are helping fight a cause doesn't make it any less important that the cause you believe in and are helping with.

They push their charities and organizations on their minions. And they all follow. I am sure everyone has donated because their favorite celebrity has said it will help out people in need. I have grown up watching ads for all sorts of charities. I have my charities that I believe in . Some are local and some are worldwide. I believe everyone at some point needs to help out. Not to make yourself feel better but to help make a difference. If you think about how much celebrities make by doing either movies, music or any other form of arts, authors, directors, public speakers. They make enough money to probably help fix a huge portion of the worlds problems....do they? No. Why because they go to these countries and push their minions to make a difference. And then go home at the end of the day and sleep in their big cushy beds and that's it. Until they are approached again to do the exact same thing. Not all celebs are like that either. I am not generalizing about them all. But how often are they helping out at home? Half of the united states is struggling. They have homeless and starving adults and children. And what do they do? They turn away. It's shameful.

Just because we help out with different organizations doesn't make us any less of a person. That is the impression I got from this person. That because some donated to ALS, who have most likely donated to other causes and issues that are concerning, they are getting shamed because they poured some water on their heads. Piss off. Seriously. Do not think you are better than me because your status helps you help out in a bigger way. Everyone does their part in their own way. Do not imply that what I am doing is wrong because you believe in something else.

Get off you pedestal and look around you. There is more than one world issue at hand. Everyone is trying to their part.

In closing I am adding a list of charities...I know there are some that I have missed and I am sorry. Also, please look within your city and see what you can do to help. There is always things you can do, help at a soup kitchen, food banks and lots of other things. I am not perfect. But I do not take for granted what I have and what I have been given in my life, when there are millions struggling to survive day to day. Just get off your high horse.....

Charities
www.heartandstroke.com  click on Donate Now
www.lung.ca/donate-don/index_e.php
www.cdnaids.ca/helpcasfightaids
www.freethechildren.com/donate
www.thewaterproject.org/donate
www.cancer.ca  click Donate
www.diabetes.ca click Donate
www.crohnsandcolitis.ca  click Donate Now
www.als.ca/en/donate
www.redcross.ca/donate

(I found my facts on the WHO website)

Like I said before this is completely my opinion.

~Me~

A normal seeming day....now with a different meaning

Happy Sept 13th......today would have been my 6th wedding anniversary. Yep. Just six. Together for a total of 12. Today was the day I said I do. And I didn't. Today is going to be a day I feel I let everyone down. My parents paid for my wedding.......that was a waste. People came celebrate the day. That's gone. Today is the day I got up early with my two best friends and my cousin and got ready for the day. Hair,  make up the whole bit. Put on my dress.  I loved my dress. Dominic put on his little suit...omg was he cute.  Then the limo came...yes my Dad got me a limo. We headed down and I got married to who I thought (even tho he proposed 3 times prior and I said no) I would spend the rest of my life with. You can change your last name.....but you can't change the person who had it first.  Then pictures. Oh man. We had great pictures. I loved them. The the supper.  Dancing with my Dad. I'm a Daddy's girl. I love him more than life. I loved our dance. I was a special moment. Dancing with my friends and family.  I love to dance so I hold those dances close. The gift opening the next day. Jesus. I am a horrible person. Making people spend all that money and now for what? God I am bad person.

Why couldn't I make it work? Why didn't I just become the person he wanted me to be?

I am sorry for letting everyone down.

~~

Wow......they say things happen in threes.....

Today is the day where I wish I could disappear and not deal with life.

The City cut off my power sometime yesterday afternoon.....great! So I called this morning and they were confused because there should be power running to my apartment. Nope....still not. So my land lady called to see what was going on....they had me listed at 211 4230 .....not 211 4234.....I was paying for power for a condo that I didn't inhabit....super....I got a call about an hour later at work saying that all was fixed and that my power should be restored...super! And an email address for a claims department for the food that I will be losing due to the lack of power that I haven't had for the past 20 hours. Nice!! I get home at 5....nope...no power...FML I just want to pack up and head for the camper!!! So I leave and go to my parents....they have rum....and power. OH...and the kicker.....it it 38 degrees celsius today......great day to have no power...hottest effing day of the whole year!!!! YES!!! I call the land lady...she is just a pissed as I am. So the city calls her and say apparently they have been trying to call me.....my phone has NOT rang. They are worried that I have something on because there is quite the load on my meter....I have nothing on......no power remember....nothing that was running before the power was cut...beside the fridge....EFF. So they didn't turn it on. My landlady checked my apartment (I'm at Mom's drinking rum....) Nope nothing running....so she goes and flips the breaker...POWER!!!!! But there was a heavy load of power....she is phoning them back to tell them that that isn't right and I shouldn't have anymore issues!! Yay!! One of today's issues fixed!!! Thank god.....I am a effing mess!!

My cell phone slipped and fell off my lap at the end of July....screen broke...great!! So what do I do...go down to my cell phone provider and see what needs to be done...my phone still works but I have having a broken screen...to fix it....300-400 bucks...ouch....but do I have extended warranty they guy asks...I dunno look. YES!! I sure do...why because I know myself...I will break the phone...great! Get a number for the company who deals with them for extended warranty. Whoo hoo.....I call them and they either want 381 dollars which is the remaining balance for my phone charged to my credit card and then they will send me a new phone. Once I get the new phone I hook it up and then send them my broken phone and once they get that they will refund me 281....100 dollar deductible. OR I send them my phone, leaving me phoneless, and the $100 dollar deductible and once they receive it they will ship me a new phone....Option 1. So I explain to my boss, what the situation is and he goes I can help. I will give you the money and take it out of your benefits and then you can just pay it back through your deductions for your benefits...yay!! Greatest boss ever!!! So I get the money, apply it to my visa and then call the company back and start my claim. Whoop whoop. Visa is charged. They will send my new phone out within 24 to 48 hours and I should get it within 2-4 business days! Nothing.....nothing.....nothing....frustrated....still nothing....okok...I will check the tracking number and see what eff is going on. So I do...this morning....while dealing with my effing power issue. The website says they haven't shipped my phone because my visa was decline....uhhhh...nope nope it wasn't. I have the charge on the visa. So what do I do...I call the numbers I have....neither one of them work....I google the company...their website....gone....great....now what the eff am I supposed to do. I call my cell phone dealer...I get a number of a guy in the north end dealing with the claims end. Ok super. I call him....he tells me that the company has basically vanished. Their numbers are disconnected and the website doesn't exist anymore....are you effing kidding me!!! I wanna hit someone with a fucking chair!! So he takes my number, email address and claim number. And then tells me he will email next week to tell me what they are doing for those affected by this, also, to call my visa company and report the fraud...because this is what he is calling it. Ok alright sure. I call my visa company. I start a claim with them about the charge on my visa. OMG!!!!  So I am waiting to hear back from them about the charge and from my cellular company. Sure I can live with my phone. It still works. It just looks beat up. Which it is.

So I am sitting at my Mom's alone, they are camping...god I wish I was camping, drink a rum and trying not to have a total melt down. They say things happen in threes......I have had two...I stayed home from Volleyball tonight....didn't really feel like the third to be a ball in the face again.

Buh bye

Chapter 2 - New beginnings

July 11th.... the day I made the decision that I couldn't be in my marriage any more.  For the past 12 years I have loved the same person. Married for almost 6. I didn't have the fight to fight.

We have spent the past 12 years fighting.  Over anything and everything.  Yes we did have times that were great. We have 2 beautiful children together.  They are my life. We are different people. We don't even have the same groups of friends anymore. We were two separate people trying to make it work. I couldn't.

I am not saying I am perfect and I didnt contribute to the problems. I am half of the relationship. I know I didn't make it easy. But I wanted the person I was expected to be and if you cannot accept me for who I am from the beginning. You're right it's not going to work.

Now I am me. I have a new place, new stuff. A vehicle of my own. It feels nice. I have the support of my family and wonderful friends. I am happy.  I haven't been for a long time.  I am on MY own.

Who knows what is ahead of me.  But nothing is going to stop me from being myself and happy anymore.

Adiós