Since February I have evaluated life in a different way. I had a complete meltdown. I felt like I was backed up to a wall and didn't know what to do. That was the hardest thing for me. I am not happy unless I am in control of a situation. I don't like to feel out of control. I don't get drunk to the point where I cannot be in control. I fear the loss of control. It puts me into a spiral. I had this meltdown at work, in front of my boss and coworkers. That is embarrassing. I would say it was a panic/anxiety attack looking back at it now. Something I have always been able to control before. I could always talk myself out of a attack. Turn my mind onto something different. This time I couldn't. I had no control. After some talk with my doctor and a conversation with my parents, life started to work its way back to being in control. I realized my living situation needed to change and have made those necessary changes. It was on of the scariest things I have been through. I am still struggling with losing control of situations. I realized there are things that are out of my control. I cannot control life. I can control how I live my life but not the amount of time I am given. That can almost sent me into another panic attack. I fear death, I know, the one thing you have no control over. But that is my biggest fear.
My support group, friends and family, has always been there. I have always had someone to talk to, if and when I needed. But I tried to manage everything myself. I don't see myself as a control freak tho. Things have to be a certain way, in order for order. I don't like to tell people my problems, what's on my mind or anything like that. I feel people have enough going on in their lives they don't need my issues. I am a great listener and my friends mean the world to me. I would do anything for them. I don't expect it in return. I am a big girl, I can handle it on my own. I try anyway. I don't like to be needy. Would I turn away a shoulder to lean on, no. I just have to muster enough out of me to ask for help. I feel like I am disappointing people if I need them. I turn off emotion to deal with certain situations, something I have always been able to do. I don't want to be a disappointment.
Since my meltdown, I have been working my way up to being me. I don't think I will ever be the same person again. I see things differently, and I still lose control. I read a situation the wrong way and then think I am the problem. I struggle with thinking I am bad friend or being a disappointment. I know people tell me that I am not. That I am a great friend. It is hard some days.
It has been a struggle to be happy, happy like I was before. happy. I am happy. As long as I can stay out of my own head, things are good. This summer has been one of my favourite summers ever. I have met new people. I have put myself out there to meet new people. I am glad I have. I have made some awesome new friends this way. I have gotten to do things this summer that I won't forget. Life is short. Make it count. Spend each moment with people who make you smile and laugh. Days are much more enjoyable when you are smiling. Don't let someone bring you down. I am making each moment count.
Life will get back to "normal" Everyday is a new beginning. New page in the chapter of 2016. Write the best book you can.
On another note, in July I lost someone who meant so much to me. She was a mentor and someone I looked up to. She took me under her wing my first year at Nationals. I could always count on her to kick me in the butt when I needed it. If my game was struggling, she would just give me a look and I was scared (if you weren't then she would come over and kick you in the ass) But I respected her like no other. This years Provincials really stick out for me. It was the last day of provincials, I didn't think I was going to make the team. I was so disappointed in the way I played all weekend and was kicking my own ass. I had packed up my darts and was ready to go. Pat told me to sit down. I didn't want to stay because I knew. Pat told me to sit down because I didn't know anything. She had faith in me when I didn't. Well, I made the team. She looked at me, like I told you so! And I hugged her. She believed in me when I couldn't. She believed in all her dart players even when they didn't. She was the president of the SDA, coach, mentor and a friend. She treated us all like we were her "kids". She gave us shit when we needed it and laughed along with us when we were goofing around. She was one of a kind and it isn't the same without her. I know she is looking over us and going to give us that kick when we need it. This year I play in the memory of a great woman. I will make you proud!
Wow, this went longer than I had anticipated. If you have read this far, thanks :)
Love yourself first
Always Keep Fighting
I am enough
You are not alone
~Me
Wednesday, 3 August 2016
Friday, 24 June 2016
Zero cares given
Is it wrong to not give a shit?...about what? I don't know. I just don't give a shit. I think I have given enough shits to just not give a shit.
Maybe it's just a mental thing. My sleep has been erratic. Going a week on my sleep aids and then nothing....it's bound to mess with me...right? Who knows. I don't give a shit.
I'm done. Done what? Again I don't know.
Maybe I just need to get away. Camping. Away. Where I can just relax and do what ever I feel like. Sleep, eat, walk, eat, sleep.
Yes, I am happy. I am watching Kierstyn play. That makes me happy. She and Dom make me happy. They are the reason I wake up every morning, one of the many reasons. I know I am happy. My life is good, it's getting to be great. But, I am happy with good. It was shit a few months ago. I have learned when I can't, I ask for help. Sometimes I still can't. Sometimes it comes easy. Depends on me.
I depend on me. No one else. I am good with that. I like things the way they are Anything else good right now is an added bonus. I am up for added bonuses.
Today I just don't give a shit. Once I figure it out....I'll let you know.
Happy weekend all!!
~Me
Maybe it's just a mental thing. My sleep has been erratic. Going a week on my sleep aids and then nothing....it's bound to mess with me...right? Who knows. I don't give a shit.
I'm done. Done what? Again I don't know.
Maybe I just need to get away. Camping. Away. Where I can just relax and do what ever I feel like. Sleep, eat, walk, eat, sleep.
Yes, I am happy. I am watching Kierstyn play. That makes me happy. She and Dom make me happy. They are the reason I wake up every morning, one of the many reasons. I know I am happy. My life is good, it's getting to be great. But, I am happy with good. It was shit a few months ago. I have learned when I can't, I ask for help. Sometimes I still can't. Sometimes it comes easy. Depends on me.
I depend on me. No one else. I am good with that. I like things the way they are Anything else good right now is an added bonus. I am up for added bonuses.
Today I just don't give a shit. Once I figure it out....I'll let you know.
Happy weekend all!!
~Me
Monday, 20 June 2016
Chalked like a boss
I started writing about this year's National's but just couldn't find a groove....So I looked at last year's post and thought I would just do that again...go day by day....here we go...
National's 2016....Richmond,BC. I did it again!!!!! Whoooooo!!!!
Monday, June 13th. ~ I woke up, fed the kids breakfast and drove Dominic to school. Kierstyn and I putzed around the house for a little while and then I took her to daycare and headed off to Mom's. Sat there for a little while and loaded my suitcase and headed off to the airport. Flight was at 12:48. Finally a flight were we could sleep in!! So great :) Checked in and all that fun stuff. Headed to the airport bar and had a beer.....a fricken 8 dollar beer......rip off. Anyhoo, met up with the rest of the team there and then we boarded for Vancouver! 2 hours later, and an hour earlier (time difference) we landed. Yes!! Got to the airport and headed to our rooms! After a brief partial team meeting we headed to a pub for something to eat. Good food and good beer!! Off to bed to get ready for day 1.
Tuesday, June 14th. Ladies doubles. ~ This year's doubles were good. Didn't make it out of our section, but we sparkled. Had glimmers of greatness and then like the BC sun...they disappeared. I am not disappointed in the way we played. We had good games and fun. That is all that matters. Sure it would have been nice to make it out of our section, but we had fun. I am happy with that. After I was done playing I went back to the room and sat in the hot tub. Three masked men came out and started tramping around. Jumping in the pool and goofing off. They know who they are and I won't reveal them....but there are pictures out there.....then it was off to bed.
Wednesday, June 15th. Singles ~ Once again, happy with my day. Didn't make it out of my section but I am not upset in my day. There are a lot of very good players. Hell, it's nationals. They are the best of the best. They earned their spot to be on the team. It's tough. After I was done playing, I stayed because I was chalking one of the men's semi final games. So I grabbed my chalked and found someone to chalk their game for. I chalked for Jeff Smith, he lost.....So I then found Dave Cameron and chalked for him. He didn't lose, so I chalked for him again, he didn't lose that match either....I think I am a good luck charm ;) I ended up chalking his semi final match but not for him, for his opponent. Dave won, pretty sure it was because I was on stage (Ok.....I am not actually serious.....not really). Then I left. I hurt all over from standing.....darts is physically exhausting. Seriously. So I went back to my room and went to bed.
Thursday, June 16th. Mixed Doubles ~ This was a good day and a very frustrating day. Karsten and I were mixed partners. I knew it would be a good day. I knew we could play well together. We play in the same leagues at home, Tuesdays (when I show up) and Wednesday's. So we have seen each other a loSat over the last few years. We had a slow start, be it nerves, being tired or what not. Then we picked it up. We won 6 matches. That's the best I have ever done at Nationals. That caused a tie between us and the Alberta team. We had a to play a playoff game of 701. We just couldn't pull it off. We shot well, just couldn't make it happen. That was so frustrating for me. I wasn't disappointed in anything we had done, just we were close and then nope done. That sucks. After darts was done was the banquet. I won't get into that again....if you really want to know...look at last years post. It's just the same.
Friday, June 17th. NODOR Cup. ~ Our first match was against NWT again. I couldn't miss the 20 or my doubles....where was this magical person for the last three freaking days?!?!?! I shot well!! We won our first round 5-3. Whoop!! Next was Newfoundland and Labrador.....shiiiiiiit. Nerves won on that one for me. I lost my match 2-1. It was close and I had my chance. If I could have calmed that tremor I got, it would have been golden. Oh well. We ended up losing that set 5-3. And our day was done. For some. There was the America's Cup qualifier and then doubles in the evening. It was such a beautiful day that some of us decided to go to the waterfront in Vancouver. It was such a great time!! SO beautiful. I took a few pics :-p (yaya I know). Downtown Vancouver is so pretty...everything was just so pretty. And clean....oh!!!! Aaaaannnnndddd, there are no mosquitoes.....none!! Windows didn't have screens on them. There are like no bugs. It was amazing!!! I was ready to stay and live there....and then the rain came back on Saturday and I started to miss my sunshine. After the trip downtown, a couple of us went to the Richmond night market. It was an experience. Then pizza and bed.
Saturday, June 18th. Canadian Open. Ladies singles. ~ Darts were good, just not good enough. I didn't make it out of my section but that's ok. A few of us did. Ashtin played phenomenal!! So, to boost my ego (with my chalking abilities), I chalked for him until he lost in the quarter final (pretty sure that's when it was) He almost had it, just didn't jump the wire. It was another good day. We all congregated into Jason's room after supper and compiled our collection of alcohol and like and good Saskatchewan peeps would do, we drank it all. :) It was a late night,but a great night. Full of laughs and stories and all the things that make us one big dysfunctional family.
Sunday, June 19th. We flew home.
There is nothing like going to Nationals. The people you meet and the friendships that are made. I enjoyed my week, even though I didn't get far. It was the best week. New friends, old friends. The people make the experience. Happy to be home, sad to leave everyone.
Next year, Saint John's, New Brunswick. Here is to National's 2017!!!
And to chalking like a boss :p
~Me
National's 2016....Richmond,BC. I did it again!!!!! Whoooooo!!!!
Monday, June 13th. ~ I woke up, fed the kids breakfast and drove Dominic to school. Kierstyn and I putzed around the house for a little while and then I took her to daycare and headed off to Mom's. Sat there for a little while and loaded my suitcase and headed off to the airport. Flight was at 12:48. Finally a flight were we could sleep in!! So great :) Checked in and all that fun stuff. Headed to the airport bar and had a beer.....a fricken 8 dollar beer......rip off. Anyhoo, met up with the rest of the team there and then we boarded for Vancouver! 2 hours later, and an hour earlier (time difference) we landed. Yes!! Got to the airport and headed to our rooms! After a brief partial team meeting we headed to a pub for something to eat. Good food and good beer!! Off to bed to get ready for day 1.
Tuesday, June 14th. Ladies doubles. ~ This year's doubles were good. Didn't make it out of our section, but we sparkled. Had glimmers of greatness and then like the BC sun...they disappeared. I am not disappointed in the way we played. We had good games and fun. That is all that matters. Sure it would have been nice to make it out of our section, but we had fun. I am happy with that. After I was done playing I went back to the room and sat in the hot tub. Three masked men came out and started tramping around. Jumping in the pool and goofing off. They know who they are and I won't reveal them....but there are pictures out there.....then it was off to bed.
Wednesday, June 15th. Singles ~ Once again, happy with my day. Didn't make it out of my section but I am not upset in my day. There are a lot of very good players. Hell, it's nationals. They are the best of the best. They earned their spot to be on the team. It's tough. After I was done playing, I stayed because I was chalking one of the men's semi final games. So I grabbed my chalked and found someone to chalk their game for. I chalked for Jeff Smith, he lost.....So I then found Dave Cameron and chalked for him. He didn't lose, so I chalked for him again, he didn't lose that match either....I think I am a good luck charm ;) I ended up chalking his semi final match but not for him, for his opponent. Dave won, pretty sure it was because I was on stage (Ok.....I am not actually serious.....not really). Then I left. I hurt all over from standing.....darts is physically exhausting. Seriously. So I went back to my room and went to bed.
Thursday, June 16th. Mixed Doubles ~ This was a good day and a very frustrating day. Karsten and I were mixed partners. I knew it would be a good day. I knew we could play well together. We play in the same leagues at home, Tuesdays (when I show up) and Wednesday's. So we have seen each other a loSat over the last few years. We had a slow start, be it nerves, being tired or what not. Then we picked it up. We won 6 matches. That's the best I have ever done at Nationals. That caused a tie between us and the Alberta team. We had a to play a playoff game of 701. We just couldn't pull it off. We shot well, just couldn't make it happen. That was so frustrating for me. I wasn't disappointed in anything we had done, just we were close and then nope done. That sucks. After darts was done was the banquet. I won't get into that again....if you really want to know...look at last years post. It's just the same.
Friday, June 17th. NODOR Cup. ~ Our first match was against NWT again. I couldn't miss the 20 or my doubles....where was this magical person for the last three freaking days?!?!?! I shot well!! We won our first round 5-3. Whoop!! Next was Newfoundland and Labrador.....shiiiiiiit. Nerves won on that one for me. I lost my match 2-1. It was close and I had my chance. If I could have calmed that tremor I got, it would have been golden. Oh well. We ended up losing that set 5-3. And our day was done. For some. There was the America's Cup qualifier and then doubles in the evening. It was such a beautiful day that some of us decided to go to the waterfront in Vancouver. It was such a great time!! SO beautiful. I took a few pics :-p (yaya I know). Downtown Vancouver is so pretty...everything was just so pretty. And clean....oh!!!! Aaaaannnnndddd, there are no mosquitoes.....none!! Windows didn't have screens on them. There are like no bugs. It was amazing!!! I was ready to stay and live there....and then the rain came back on Saturday and I started to miss my sunshine. After the trip downtown, a couple of us went to the Richmond night market. It was an experience. Then pizza and bed.
Saturday, June 18th. Canadian Open. Ladies singles. ~ Darts were good, just not good enough. I didn't make it out of my section but that's ok. A few of us did. Ashtin played phenomenal!! So, to boost my ego (with my chalking abilities), I chalked for him until he lost in the quarter final (pretty sure that's when it was) He almost had it, just didn't jump the wire. It was another good day. We all congregated into Jason's room after supper and compiled our collection of alcohol and like and good Saskatchewan peeps would do, we drank it all. :) It was a late night,but a great night. Full of laughs and stories and all the things that make us one big dysfunctional family.
Sunday, June 19th. We flew home.
There is nothing like going to Nationals. The people you meet and the friendships that are made. I enjoyed my week, even though I didn't get far. It was the best week. New friends, old friends. The people make the experience. Happy to be home, sad to leave everyone.
Next year, Saint John's, New Brunswick. Here is to National's 2017!!!
And to chalking like a boss :p
~Me
Monday, 14 March 2016
Puppet
This is my own opinion. Please treat it as so.
Puppet: a person, party, or state under the control of another person, group, or power.
How is it that people still allow themselves to be controlled by another person(s)? Is it a self esteem issue? Personal choice? Or is it a loss of nerve, unable to pull themselves out of a shitty situation.
I am not talking about abuse, although, it could be classified as a type of abuse I suppose. Abuse is abuse. Verbal abuse, physical abuse, mental abuse, none of those should be tolerated. No form of abuse should be tolerated, or allowed. It is unnessary and cowardly.
I am talking about how can one person twist your thought process from one idea into a whole new idea. You may not disagree with that person's thought, you may have never seen it the way they do. But, then you allow your heart to get in the way of what your morals are and allow yourself to become something you aren't. Someone you don't recognize in the mirror. Someone you said you wouldn't be. I get it's a form of mind control, yes I believe there is such a thing (just not the ESP type). Someone can twist your thoughts and make them your own even though they aren't. It is wrong. Though manipulation. Why would someone do that? What would possess you to control someone that way. Why would you want to control someone that way? You are a happy person, bubbly even. And then over time you change. You're withdrawn. Not happy all the time. See things that aren't there, not hallucinations, but make things up. You are no longer who you are. You have become someone's puppet. It isn't right.
Yes, there is compromise to all relationships. You may not like your best friends taste in music, but you listen to it because they would do the same. But you wouldn't make your best friend buy the CD and concert tickets, because you know. That's not how relationships work. Any type of relationship. I don't claim to be a relationship expert. Probably the farthest thing from it. But I have seen people in shitty relationships, friendships, common-law relationships, marriages, just starting relationships. They start off great. Then something happens. He changes, or she changes and then they start making the other one conform to their ways. There is no compromise. There is no back bone. No standing up for what they want or disagree with. I don't get it. Yes, like I have said before, I am not perfect. Not even close. But it is wrong and something I don't get. You have your own mind. Use it. Say no. You are not there for everyone's pleasure. You have your own mind, morals and opinions. Use them. Challenge them. But don't abandon them. Be you. Don't let anyone change who you are. If they really care about you they shouldn't try and change you.
I will never become someone's puppet. Call me stubborn, pig-headed, impossible or whatever floats your boat. But I am who I am for a reason. I have fought hard to become the person I am today. I will not sacrifice myself for anyone. I am a fighter. I am happy in my own skin. My mind may not love me at all times and I may feel worn down. Discouraged, depressed even. I have felt like a failure, more than once. But I am who I am, and no one is going to take that away from me. I learned a long time ago, if you don't like who you are only you can fix that. Create the person you want to be. Love yourself first. Don't let a boy/girl deflate you. Be strong. Stand your ground. Never forget those around you, who already love you for you who are, embrace them fully. They will be the ones there for you when you lose yourself. They will be the ones who you can call at anytime of the night for help. But always keep fighting. Be true to yourself. Remember who you are. My Dad always used to say "remember your last name" when I went out. At first I always thought that if I were to do something wrong that it would shame my last name and I would be a failure. Growing up, I now know to me that it is more than that. It is to remember who I am. I am strong. I know what I like and what I don't. What I want in life and what I don't. What I want for my kids and what I hope they never have to go through. I have morals. Standards even. I am not picky, lame or anything else. I am me. If you don't like me, too bad. I do, well, most of the time. I have friends and family who love me and that is all I need to make it.
Never allow yourself to become someone's puppet.
Love yourself first.
~Me~
Puppet: a person, party, or state under the control of another person, group, or power.
How is it that people still allow themselves to be controlled by another person(s)? Is it a self esteem issue? Personal choice? Or is it a loss of nerve, unable to pull themselves out of a shitty situation.
I am not talking about abuse, although, it could be classified as a type of abuse I suppose. Abuse is abuse. Verbal abuse, physical abuse, mental abuse, none of those should be tolerated. No form of abuse should be tolerated, or allowed. It is unnessary and cowardly.
I am talking about how can one person twist your thought process from one idea into a whole new idea. You may not disagree with that person's thought, you may have never seen it the way they do. But, then you allow your heart to get in the way of what your morals are and allow yourself to become something you aren't. Someone you don't recognize in the mirror. Someone you said you wouldn't be. I get it's a form of mind control, yes I believe there is such a thing (just not the ESP type). Someone can twist your thoughts and make them your own even though they aren't. It is wrong. Though manipulation. Why would someone do that? What would possess you to control someone that way. Why would you want to control someone that way? You are a happy person, bubbly even. And then over time you change. You're withdrawn. Not happy all the time. See things that aren't there, not hallucinations, but make things up. You are no longer who you are. You have become someone's puppet. It isn't right.
Yes, there is compromise to all relationships. You may not like your best friends taste in music, but you listen to it because they would do the same. But you wouldn't make your best friend buy the CD and concert tickets, because you know. That's not how relationships work. Any type of relationship. I don't claim to be a relationship expert. Probably the farthest thing from it. But I have seen people in shitty relationships, friendships, common-law relationships, marriages, just starting relationships. They start off great. Then something happens. He changes, or she changes and then they start making the other one conform to their ways. There is no compromise. There is no back bone. No standing up for what they want or disagree with. I don't get it. Yes, like I have said before, I am not perfect. Not even close. But it is wrong and something I don't get. You have your own mind. Use it. Say no. You are not there for everyone's pleasure. You have your own mind, morals and opinions. Use them. Challenge them. But don't abandon them. Be you. Don't let anyone change who you are. If they really care about you they shouldn't try and change you.
I will never become someone's puppet. Call me stubborn, pig-headed, impossible or whatever floats your boat. But I am who I am for a reason. I have fought hard to become the person I am today. I will not sacrifice myself for anyone. I am a fighter. I am happy in my own skin. My mind may not love me at all times and I may feel worn down. Discouraged, depressed even. I have felt like a failure, more than once. But I am who I am, and no one is going to take that away from me. I learned a long time ago, if you don't like who you are only you can fix that. Create the person you want to be. Love yourself first. Don't let a boy/girl deflate you. Be strong. Stand your ground. Never forget those around you, who already love you for you who are, embrace them fully. They will be the ones there for you when you lose yourself. They will be the ones who you can call at anytime of the night for help. But always keep fighting. Be true to yourself. Remember who you are. My Dad always used to say "remember your last name" when I went out. At first I always thought that if I were to do something wrong that it would shame my last name and I would be a failure. Growing up, I now know to me that it is more than that. It is to remember who I am. I am strong. I know what I like and what I don't. What I want in life and what I don't. What I want for my kids and what I hope they never have to go through. I have morals. Standards even. I am not picky, lame or anything else. I am me. If you don't like me, too bad. I do, well, most of the time. I have friends and family who love me and that is all I need to make it.
Never allow yourself to become someone's puppet.
Love yourself first.
~Me~
Thursday, 3 March 2016
Trying something new out....bare with me.
So.....it's been a while....how is everyone? Well I hope. I have no idea what I want to write about, so I am going to go have a shower and think about it.....I will be back.
Still haven't showered, I didn't realize that children need to pre get ready for bed before they actually get ready for bed. The "I'm hungry" "I have to pee" I need to hum while I am pretending to brush my teeth until Mom uses the "this is the last warning!!! No story time if you don't hurry already!" Then it's the I will sloooooowly brush my teeth, while still arguing with my sibling just enough to stop before Mom calls last warning. And then it's the getting undressed and actually possibly thinking of getting into bed. But still not 100% sure about that yet. I may stand there like I have had my brains sucked out by the Buddy doll lying on the floor who is quite possibly possessed by demons or other beings for a few minutes until I can hear you walking down the hall. If you don't know what a Buddy doll is, I highly suggest Googling it. Then you will understand the Chucky doll! And why this doll has followed me around since my younger brother was little. He received it and tormented my older brother with it, into adulthood. He is one creepy ass doll....and now my daughter has adopted it as her own. She has loved Buddy since she was a baby...I have video of her to prove it. Kissing this damn creepy doll, I am sure it has been slowly sucking the soul out of her...that would explain a lot actually...hold on! STORY TIME! We made it!!!!
Clean!!! Well I think so anyway...half way through my shower I realized that I had forgotten my towels in my room and had to use the towels in the bathroom. Which I am sure have kids toothpaste spit on them. So I felt like I should almost reshower, but I didn't. So cleanish is what I am. Why do they say you have your best thoughts in the bathroom? They do say that right...maybe they don't. Well I didn't have any great thoughts. I was trying to decide what to write for this, and I have come up with not a friggen thing. This is more of a test blog anyway. I want to see if it will actually post to my FB page with out me actually really doing much work. I think I have them linked together properly....but I am not my IT guy, so it probably won't work (Marcus, if you actually read this, or read this far don't stop....if this doesn't post....I may require your assistance when you come up in April for your birthday, aka The Main Event dart tourney). But here's to hoping.
I went to see my Dr today because I am afraid I am going to become dependent on the Zoplicone that I was given (Squirrel, not a real squirrel, just a side note, a random thought in my random thought..with me? Cuz I'm not, wow this is exhausting to type...let alone read I am sure. Do you know how hard it is to try and make capitals in a sentence when the left shift key doesn't always like to work because of a spill accident...freaking hard!!! I am not winning this battle at all) so I wanted to know if I could just take a OTC sleep aid. She told me there is a probability to become dependent on any sleep aid and to not believe everything I read on the internet (who knew!) But that they would all do the same thing...knock me out! (She said put me to sleep, same thing) She also told me that I should start keeping a journal, you know the pen and paper type, because it should help me get some of the things that keep me awake for HOURS before I actually fall asleep out. Well, as some people will know, I suck at keeping up with anything!!!! I have probably like 4 different type of journals going all at the same time. Like you have no idea. Some for random thoughts, poetry, more random thoughts, bucket list items that kind of stuff. Completely made up shit is my favourite, if I could write a complete sentence ( my grade 12 English teacher told me I lacked that) I could probably write a kick ass book about nonsense. I will probably give it the journal a try, on paper too, she said that any type of screen isn't a good thing before bed because it is a stimulant, I am not sure I completely agree with that either...I know many a people who can fall asleep as soon as the TV is turned on (you all know who you are). But I am willing to try anything to make my brain quit screaming at me while I am trying to dream wonderful dreams.
Alright, I am pretty sure I have bored everyone at this point....I am so sorry
Also, for those who have liked my FB page, I thank you. I have no intentions to keep it up regularly, that is just not me. But I will try and post something once and while to keep you mildly entertained. I hope. I don't want to become professional blogger, god nope. I don't what to become a professional anything....unless it's the significant other of a famous person, then I could become a professional that. That will never happen, so no professionalism from me. I save my professionalism for work. (Stop laughing girls).
Have a great evening. Maybe then I will have figured what the eff I am doing...not likely but here is hoping!!!
Still haven't showered, I didn't realize that children need to pre get ready for bed before they actually get ready for bed. The "I'm hungry" "I have to pee" I need to hum while I am pretending to brush my teeth until Mom uses the "this is the last warning!!! No story time if you don't hurry already!" Then it's the I will sloooooowly brush my teeth, while still arguing with my sibling just enough to stop before Mom calls last warning. And then it's the getting undressed and actually possibly thinking of getting into bed. But still not 100% sure about that yet. I may stand there like I have had my brains sucked out by the Buddy doll lying on the floor who is quite possibly possessed by demons or other beings for a few minutes until I can hear you walking down the hall. If you don't know what a Buddy doll is, I highly suggest Googling it. Then you will understand the Chucky doll! And why this doll has followed me around since my younger brother was little. He received it and tormented my older brother with it, into adulthood. He is one creepy ass doll....and now my daughter has adopted it as her own. She has loved Buddy since she was a baby...I have video of her to prove it. Kissing this damn creepy doll, I am sure it has been slowly sucking the soul out of her...that would explain a lot actually...hold on! STORY TIME! We made it!!!!
Clean!!! Well I think so anyway...half way through my shower I realized that I had forgotten my towels in my room and had to use the towels in the bathroom. Which I am sure have kids toothpaste spit on them. So I felt like I should almost reshower, but I didn't. So cleanish is what I am. Why do they say you have your best thoughts in the bathroom? They do say that right...maybe they don't. Well I didn't have any great thoughts. I was trying to decide what to write for this, and I have come up with not a friggen thing. This is more of a test blog anyway. I want to see if it will actually post to my FB page with out me actually really doing much work. I think I have them linked together properly....but I am not my IT guy, so it probably won't work (Marcus, if you actually read this, or read this far don't stop....if this doesn't post....I may require your assistance when you come up in April for your birthday, aka The Main Event dart tourney). But here's to hoping.
I went to see my Dr today because I am afraid I am going to become dependent on the Zoplicone that I was given (Squirrel, not a real squirrel, just a side note, a random thought in my random thought..with me? Cuz I'm not, wow this is exhausting to type...let alone read I am sure. Do you know how hard it is to try and make capitals in a sentence when the left shift key doesn't always like to work because of a spill accident...freaking hard!!! I am not winning this battle at all) so I wanted to know if I could just take a OTC sleep aid. She told me there is a probability to become dependent on any sleep aid and to not believe everything I read on the internet (who knew!) But that they would all do the same thing...knock me out! (She said put me to sleep, same thing) She also told me that I should start keeping a journal, you know the pen and paper type, because it should help me get some of the things that keep me awake for HOURS before I actually fall asleep out. Well, as some people will know, I suck at keeping up with anything!!!! I have probably like 4 different type of journals going all at the same time. Like you have no idea. Some for random thoughts, poetry, more random thoughts, bucket list items that kind of stuff. Completely made up shit is my favourite, if I could write a complete sentence ( my grade 12 English teacher told me I lacked that) I could probably write a kick ass book about nonsense. I will probably give it the journal a try, on paper too, she said that any type of screen isn't a good thing before bed because it is a stimulant, I am not sure I completely agree with that either...I know many a people who can fall asleep as soon as the TV is turned on (you all know who you are). But I am willing to try anything to make my brain quit screaming at me while I am trying to dream wonderful dreams.
Alright, I am pretty sure I have bored everyone at this point....I am so sorry
Also, for those who have liked my FB page, I thank you. I have no intentions to keep it up regularly, that is just not me. But I will try and post something once and while to keep you mildly entertained. I hope. I don't want to become professional blogger, god nope. I don't what to become a professional anything....unless it's the significant other of a famous person, then I could become a professional that. That will never happen, so no professionalism from me. I save my professionalism for work. (Stop laughing girls).
Have a great evening. Maybe then I will have figured what the eff I am doing...not likely but here is hoping!!!
Monday, 22 June 2015
Darts has taken over
Nationals 2015....St. Catharine's, Ontario.
Monday, June 15th, I rolled out of bed at 3:45 am to catch my 5:30 am flight to Toronto. Got through security, grabbed a Starbucks (first coffee I saw, I was going for it). Then found the rest of the crew sitting in Tim Horton's. We boarded at just after 5 for the flight. Flight was good. Landed in Toronto at 10:40 ish ( I think) Toronto time. We were picked up by a school bus and driven around the terminal because we had to wait for a few more people to arrive. We arrived at the hotel at around 1:30 I think. Time had become a blur at that point. We checked into our hotel room, dropped our luggage off and were on a mission to find food!! We walked across the street to an Asian restaurant, no one came to serve us, so we left. Boston Pizza it is! Headed to the LCBO, liqour store, after we ate. Priorities people.... Had a few drinks and then headed to bed. That was day one....pretty uneventful. Long, but no darts.
Tuesday, June 16th, Ladies doubles. Doubles and I don't get a long....that is what I have told myself forever. It is a mental thing that I have to get over. I don't know why I think that I play worse when I play doubles. But I have talked myself into believing that it is true and therefore I play like shit. I have to get out of my own head. Not an easy thing to do. Needless to say that I didn't play my best and felt like I let my partner down. She needed a partner and I failed. We had some good matches but we just couldn't get over the wire to put them into the double. Frustrating first day. After the darts were done, we had our team supper in the hotel restaurant we were staying in. Minus the error in my food it was good. Apparently I need to pay more attention to what I am getting....I was hungry....that is my excuse. It was good anyway and they discounted my meal. Meh....It didn't bother me none. Watching Karsten eat his Jambalaya was entertaining in itself, you should not sweat that much eating food....seems like too much work. Day 2.....not a great dart day...but a great day anyway.
Wednesday, June 17th, Singles. Ok...the week wasn't great...I will get to by better games but singles wasn't bad. It definitely was not great...I didn't make it out of my section but I didn't shit the bed. It could have been waaaay better and it could have gone worse. One of the matches I won I completely thought I was going to lose. She is number 2 or so in Canada and I won. Floored me. Everyone is beatable on any day. Just some people you play against, you walk into the game thinking you are going lose so you loosen up. At least I do. And I also took a game off of another top 5 ranked player in Canada. So I am happy with that. I will take it. After we were done singles, a group of us headed down to Niagara Falls.
Best afternoon ever!!! If you have never been to the falls, go. Plain and simple. You have to see it. It was so amazing. The amount of water that is constantly rushing over, it's mind blowing. We did the Hornblower, which is the boat that goes down and close to the falls. It was so cool.....and wet. Good thing for those ponchos!! Haha. They helped a bit. Took a few pictures, yes if you have seen my FB there are a lot haha. It was so much fun. After the Hornblower we walked down to Journey behind the falls. It is underground tunnels that give some history of the falls. The sound alone is worth it. Hearing the water rushing over top of you is so cool. They had little "look out points" you couldn't see past the water. But you could see the water mist swirling around and the sheer volume of the water.....crazy!! There was a little look out point about half way down the falls that you could walk on too where you could see the water coming over the end of the falls and more pictures were taken. After the falls we went and walked to a little pub on the strip. It was cute, drinks were drank and then a little bit more wandering took place. We headed back to the falls to see them lit up. Once again....so cool. I was definitely a tourist!! haha. Niagara was awesome!!
Thursday, June 18th Mixed doubles. Once again, not a bad day. But doubles...We just couldn't get over the wire. Should have had more games than we did. In the evening was the banquet. It is where everyone who is there for Nationals gets together for a supper and dance. It was slow to start, but the food was brought out. After the meal, they did the awards for almost everything. It is an important part of the night but it seems to take forever. But it did end....and then the "comedian" came out....he was not funny. He was punny.....very very punny. It was terrible. It kept getting worse and worse. After he was done torturing the crowd the dance started. I went to bed!
Friday June 19th, Nodor Cup. To explain the Nodor cup, it is basically one province pitted against the other in a team game of sorts. There are 8 women on a provincial team and 8 men. Saskatchewan women played Northwest Territories first. They randomly select who you will play from that team. Once 5 games are one from a province they move on to the next round. We made it through to our second round and played Manitoba second. We beat them 5-3 as well. The next round was against New Brunswick. We unfortunately stopped there. Which placed us in joint 3rd for the second year in a row. We got hardware people!!!! After that was the World cup qualifier, where the provincial champions have the opportunity to play in. This year the cup is in Turkey, but with all the issues over there they chose to do a pay out instead of sending someone over in the fear that something terrible could happen. Bonnie and Danny played in the Cup qualifier. Danny made it to the final and lost out to Quebec. Bonnie made it through her first three rounds and lost in the forth. They both played amazingly!! There is a reason they were our provincial champs!!! After that a few of us went for supper before the Canadian Open Mixed Doubles started....yep...I decided to play in that as well....poor Ashtin! haha. Mixed doubles play started around 8:30 that evening. Late start...especially when I had to be up at 5:30 to catch my ride to the airport so I could fly home a day early...whoopsie! Ashtin and I played really well. We made it out of our section with only one match lost....I played better that night than I had all week. The "pressure" was off. I could have fun, it didn't seem as serious as play had been all week. I just played my game. We advanced to the first round of knock out and we both became serious for the first time all night, and lost in our first round of knock out. I had fun that night tho...thanks!! Finally went to bed around 1, I think. Pretty sure I didn't make it to sleep until 2 or 2:30 though. Makes a really early morning.
Saturday I flew home to be at my Grandma's 85th birthday party. Two flights, a 40 minute drive to Moose Jaw, an afternoon spent with family and another 2.5 hour drive home and my Nationals 2015 was over.
The fun I had, the memories that were made will never leave. The people I met and the new friendships that were made will continue as the years progress. I am already looking forward to Nationals 2016!! Richmond, BC. I have work to do to keep my darts at the level they are and progress them even further. I have already started on that. Practice, practice, practice. I have a goal for next year, and I hope to reach it. I think it would be amazing just to make the team again. Our team this year was so great!! We are really like one big very dysfunctional family!! It is worth every minute of it.
Thank you to everyone who has supported me this year for my journey to Nationals. It means the world to me. I have the best support system around. I am really one lucky girl!!
Here's to Nationals 2015 being amazing and Nationals 2016 next year!!
~Me
Monday, June 15th, I rolled out of bed at 3:45 am to catch my 5:30 am flight to Toronto. Got through security, grabbed a Starbucks (first coffee I saw, I was going for it). Then found the rest of the crew sitting in Tim Horton's. We boarded at just after 5 for the flight. Flight was good. Landed in Toronto at 10:40 ish ( I think) Toronto time. We were picked up by a school bus and driven around the terminal because we had to wait for a few more people to arrive. We arrived at the hotel at around 1:30 I think. Time had become a blur at that point. We checked into our hotel room, dropped our luggage off and were on a mission to find food!! We walked across the street to an Asian restaurant, no one came to serve us, so we left. Boston Pizza it is! Headed to the LCBO, liqour store, after we ate. Priorities people.... Had a few drinks and then headed to bed. That was day one....pretty uneventful. Long, but no darts.
Tuesday, June 16th, Ladies doubles. Doubles and I don't get a long....that is what I have told myself forever. It is a mental thing that I have to get over. I don't know why I think that I play worse when I play doubles. But I have talked myself into believing that it is true and therefore I play like shit. I have to get out of my own head. Not an easy thing to do. Needless to say that I didn't play my best and felt like I let my partner down. She needed a partner and I failed. We had some good matches but we just couldn't get over the wire to put them into the double. Frustrating first day. After the darts were done, we had our team supper in the hotel restaurant we were staying in. Minus the error in my food it was good. Apparently I need to pay more attention to what I am getting....I was hungry....that is my excuse. It was good anyway and they discounted my meal. Meh....It didn't bother me none. Watching Karsten eat his Jambalaya was entertaining in itself, you should not sweat that much eating food....seems like too much work. Day 2.....not a great dart day...but a great day anyway.
Wednesday, June 17th, Singles. Ok...the week wasn't great...I will get to by better games but singles wasn't bad. It definitely was not great...I didn't make it out of my section but I didn't shit the bed. It could have been waaaay better and it could have gone worse. One of the matches I won I completely thought I was going to lose. She is number 2 or so in Canada and I won. Floored me. Everyone is beatable on any day. Just some people you play against, you walk into the game thinking you are going lose so you loosen up. At least I do. And I also took a game off of another top 5 ranked player in Canada. So I am happy with that. I will take it. After we were done singles, a group of us headed down to Niagara Falls.
Best afternoon ever!!! If you have never been to the falls, go. Plain and simple. You have to see it. It was so amazing. The amount of water that is constantly rushing over, it's mind blowing. We did the Hornblower, which is the boat that goes down and close to the falls. It was so cool.....and wet. Good thing for those ponchos!! Haha. They helped a bit. Took a few pictures, yes if you have seen my FB there are a lot haha. It was so much fun. After the Hornblower we walked down to Journey behind the falls. It is underground tunnels that give some history of the falls. The sound alone is worth it. Hearing the water rushing over top of you is so cool. They had little "look out points" you couldn't see past the water. But you could see the water mist swirling around and the sheer volume of the water.....crazy!! There was a little look out point about half way down the falls that you could walk on too where you could see the water coming over the end of the falls and more pictures were taken. After the falls we went and walked to a little pub on the strip. It was cute, drinks were drank and then a little bit more wandering took place. We headed back to the falls to see them lit up. Once again....so cool. I was definitely a tourist!! haha. Niagara was awesome!!
Thursday, June 18th Mixed doubles. Once again, not a bad day. But doubles...We just couldn't get over the wire. Should have had more games than we did. In the evening was the banquet. It is where everyone who is there for Nationals gets together for a supper and dance. It was slow to start, but the food was brought out. After the meal, they did the awards for almost everything. It is an important part of the night but it seems to take forever. But it did end....and then the "comedian" came out....he was not funny. He was punny.....very very punny. It was terrible. It kept getting worse and worse. After he was done torturing the crowd the dance started. I went to bed!
Friday June 19th, Nodor Cup. To explain the Nodor cup, it is basically one province pitted against the other in a team game of sorts. There are 8 women on a provincial team and 8 men. Saskatchewan women played Northwest Territories first. They randomly select who you will play from that team. Once 5 games are one from a province they move on to the next round. We made it through to our second round and played Manitoba second. We beat them 5-3 as well. The next round was against New Brunswick. We unfortunately stopped there. Which placed us in joint 3rd for the second year in a row. We got hardware people!!!! After that was the World cup qualifier, where the provincial champions have the opportunity to play in. This year the cup is in Turkey, but with all the issues over there they chose to do a pay out instead of sending someone over in the fear that something terrible could happen. Bonnie and Danny played in the Cup qualifier. Danny made it to the final and lost out to Quebec. Bonnie made it through her first three rounds and lost in the forth. They both played amazingly!! There is a reason they were our provincial champs!!! After that a few of us went for supper before the Canadian Open Mixed Doubles started....yep...I decided to play in that as well....poor Ashtin! haha. Mixed doubles play started around 8:30 that evening. Late start...especially when I had to be up at 5:30 to catch my ride to the airport so I could fly home a day early...whoopsie! Ashtin and I played really well. We made it out of our section with only one match lost....I played better that night than I had all week. The "pressure" was off. I could have fun, it didn't seem as serious as play had been all week. I just played my game. We advanced to the first round of knock out and we both became serious for the first time all night, and lost in our first round of knock out. I had fun that night tho...thanks!! Finally went to bed around 1, I think. Pretty sure I didn't make it to sleep until 2 or 2:30 though. Makes a really early morning.
Saturday I flew home to be at my Grandma's 85th birthday party. Two flights, a 40 minute drive to Moose Jaw, an afternoon spent with family and another 2.5 hour drive home and my Nationals 2015 was over.
The fun I had, the memories that were made will never leave. The people I met and the new friendships that were made will continue as the years progress. I am already looking forward to Nationals 2016!! Richmond, BC. I have work to do to keep my darts at the level they are and progress them even further. I have already started on that. Practice, practice, practice. I have a goal for next year, and I hope to reach it. I think it would be amazing just to make the team again. Our team this year was so great!! We are really like one big very dysfunctional family!! It is worth every minute of it.
Thank you to everyone who has supported me this year for my journey to Nationals. It means the world to me. I have the best support system around. I am really one lucky girl!!
Here's to Nationals 2015 being amazing and Nationals 2016 next year!!
~Me
Tuesday, 24 February 2015
The glue that holds us together.
Matriarch - a woman who is the head of a family or tribe.
February 25th 1930 one of the greatest women alive was brought into the world. Just as the "dirty 30s" started. She is the second of two children, both girls. Gloria Mae Johnson was born. My grandmother. She is now the definition of a matriarch. She has over come a lot in her days. She had to raise 4 children on her own, one of them, my dad.....that had to be hard enough!! Haha!! She worked at the hospital while raising her children. She never missed an event that included her children, sports, etc. She was and still is one hell of a mom!! Most people now can barely raise their children properly with two parents. She raised 4 outstanding children. All successful. And all four married and went on to have children of their own. Grandma has 10 grandchildren. Those 10 grandchildren have given her 20 great grandchildren. Needless to say family gatherings in the Stephanson clan are loud, busy and full of great memories!!
Sure I am biased, everyone is proud of their families. I love mine to the moon and back and would do anything for any one of them. But to me raising a family on your own is more real than ever. Yes, I have the kids father around, Grandma didn't have that for most of it. She did it on her own. Ask my dad, uncles or aunt. They will tell you how Grandma managed them and work. Different generation, different mind set. Where you worked hard for what you wanted. No sense of entitlement then. Either you worked for what you wanted to support your family or it didn't happen. No buy outs. You start from the ground and work your way up. Every single one of her children have done it. The work ethic I have now was handed down to me from my father, who learned it from his mother. My children will learn what it is like to work for what you want and it will not be handed to you on a silver platter. Life doesn't work that way.
The memories I have. I will always have. The trips to Basant with my cousins and Grandma. Grandma showing up at every dance recital, baseball game and sporting event, even when we moved she would when she could. She had 10 grandchildren to cater to now. 4 wasn't so bad!! Good thing we were all basically in the same events. Definitely not all at the same time. I have no idea how she did it. But it seemed like she never missed anything!! Even with her great grandchildren, if she can attend a event that is going on with one of them she will be. She gets such joy watching them do what they love to do. She is super woman to me. Baking.....oh my lord......Grandma can bake....and she bakes everything!! Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving. We used to stuff 4 children and 10 grandchildren into her house. It was cramped to say the least. But we made it work. Why? Because when Grandma wants something....she gets it. We do not argue with Grandma. What Grandma says goes. Those are memories none of us will ever forget. Lefse........that is all. No greater fight at family functions now in my parents doesn't involve Lefse and who is hording it all. Back to the baking, she did baking for her 4 children and sent enough for the families. Now....she does them for her 4 children and 10 grandchildren. Christmas isn't Christmas without Grandma's baking. I am forever thankful for that. An ice cream pail full of different types of baking. Rice krispie balls, multiple squares, shortbread...she is a miracle worker. I am sure that she needs to start January after Christmas in order to get it all done. Between that, the lefse and everything else she does. She bowls, plays crib, goes on bus tours to see Blue Jays games. Her and Ray are forever traveling to multiple places. One coast to another. Down through the states. She is the most active person I know. She could easily run circles around me. She comes from a different generation.
85 years on this planet. She has been through a lot! That's 14 Prime Ministers, 1 World War, 27 Olymipic games, Blue Jays winning 2 World Series, Bonnie and Clyde, Al Capone, Amelia Erhart, Hindenburg, Anne Frank, Bikini's being introduced, Color TV, James Dean, Rosa Parks, Grace Kelly, JFK, Martin Luther King Jr., Mandela, First Man on the Moon, Beatles, E.T., and the list goes on. To have experienced everything she has would be amazing!! I would have loved to live in that time. You made it on your own. How life was different.
Stephanson's are proud to be who we are. We come from good stock. We were raised right. We are raising our children right. I love my family, wouldn't trade it for anything. I love the life I have been given. I hope my children grow up with the proper sense of hard work. I love both sides of my family, I am blessed to be part of two wonderful families. The Wheelers will definitely come up in a later post. Great memories there as well!! I am very fortunate with the people who I am blessed to call my family.
Grandma, thank you. For everything you have done and continue to do. You are the glue that holds this family together. Thank you for the memories you have given me and continue to give to me and now my children. For being such a prominent figure in my life, thank you. For your no nonsense way of life, thank you. For raising 4 wonderful children, thank you. For loving me, thank you.
Love always,
8th of 10 proud grandchildren,
Stacey
February 25th 1930 one of the greatest women alive was brought into the world. Just as the "dirty 30s" started. She is the second of two children, both girls. Gloria Mae Johnson was born. My grandmother. She is now the definition of a matriarch. She has over come a lot in her days. She had to raise 4 children on her own, one of them, my dad.....that had to be hard enough!! Haha!! She worked at the hospital while raising her children. She never missed an event that included her children, sports, etc. She was and still is one hell of a mom!! Most people now can barely raise their children properly with two parents. She raised 4 outstanding children. All successful. And all four married and went on to have children of their own. Grandma has 10 grandchildren. Those 10 grandchildren have given her 20 great grandchildren. Needless to say family gatherings in the Stephanson clan are loud, busy and full of great memories!!
Sure I am biased, everyone is proud of their families. I love mine to the moon and back and would do anything for any one of them. But to me raising a family on your own is more real than ever. Yes, I have the kids father around, Grandma didn't have that for most of it. She did it on her own. Ask my dad, uncles or aunt. They will tell you how Grandma managed them and work. Different generation, different mind set. Where you worked hard for what you wanted. No sense of entitlement then. Either you worked for what you wanted to support your family or it didn't happen. No buy outs. You start from the ground and work your way up. Every single one of her children have done it. The work ethic I have now was handed down to me from my father, who learned it from his mother. My children will learn what it is like to work for what you want and it will not be handed to you on a silver platter. Life doesn't work that way.
The memories I have. I will always have. The trips to Basant with my cousins and Grandma. Grandma showing up at every dance recital, baseball game and sporting event, even when we moved she would when she could. She had 10 grandchildren to cater to now. 4 wasn't so bad!! Good thing we were all basically in the same events. Definitely not all at the same time. I have no idea how she did it. But it seemed like she never missed anything!! Even with her great grandchildren, if she can attend a event that is going on with one of them she will be. She gets such joy watching them do what they love to do. She is super woman to me. Baking.....oh my lord......Grandma can bake....and she bakes everything!! Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving. We used to stuff 4 children and 10 grandchildren into her house. It was cramped to say the least. But we made it work. Why? Because when Grandma wants something....she gets it. We do not argue with Grandma. What Grandma says goes. Those are memories none of us will ever forget. Lefse........that is all. No greater fight at family functions now in my parents doesn't involve Lefse and who is hording it all. Back to the baking, she did baking for her 4 children and sent enough for the families. Now....she does them for her 4 children and 10 grandchildren. Christmas isn't Christmas without Grandma's baking. I am forever thankful for that. An ice cream pail full of different types of baking. Rice krispie balls, multiple squares, shortbread...she is a miracle worker. I am sure that she needs to start January after Christmas in order to get it all done. Between that, the lefse and everything else she does. She bowls, plays crib, goes on bus tours to see Blue Jays games. Her and Ray are forever traveling to multiple places. One coast to another. Down through the states. She is the most active person I know. She could easily run circles around me. She comes from a different generation.
85 years on this planet. She has been through a lot! That's 14 Prime Ministers, 1 World War, 27 Olymipic games, Blue Jays winning 2 World Series, Bonnie and Clyde, Al Capone, Amelia Erhart, Hindenburg, Anne Frank, Bikini's being introduced, Color TV, James Dean, Rosa Parks, Grace Kelly, JFK, Martin Luther King Jr., Mandela, First Man on the Moon, Beatles, E.T., and the list goes on. To have experienced everything she has would be amazing!! I would have loved to live in that time. You made it on your own. How life was different.
Stephanson's are proud to be who we are. We come from good stock. We were raised right. We are raising our children right. I love my family, wouldn't trade it for anything. I love the life I have been given. I hope my children grow up with the proper sense of hard work. I love both sides of my family, I am blessed to be part of two wonderful families. The Wheelers will definitely come up in a later post. Great memories there as well!! I am very fortunate with the people who I am blessed to call my family.
Grandma, thank you. For everything you have done and continue to do. You are the glue that holds this family together. Thank you for the memories you have given me and continue to give to me and now my children. For being such a prominent figure in my life, thank you. For your no nonsense way of life, thank you. For raising 4 wonderful children, thank you. For loving me, thank you.
Love always,
8th of 10 proud grandchildren,
Stacey
Thursday, 22 January 2015
Impatiently Patiently Waiting....
Impatient: 1. having or showing a tendency to be quickly irritated or provokes
2. restlessly eager
Patient: 1. able to accept or tolerate delays, problems, or suffering with out becoming annoyed or anxious.
As I am sitting here, drinking my decaf Chai tea and keeping my phone close.....
We are either coming or going. Most of us don't know which we are doing at the time we are doing it. I know I am usually wandering around aimlessly hoping I figure out why I left the room to begin with....I am terrified to know how I will be as I get older. The other day I walked to work, which I used to do all the time, at ten to five I left my desk in search to start my car. I walked into another part of work and realized that I won't find my car. It was left in it's parking spot. I felt like a fool. Got a good laugh out of it, I blame my children. I think I have a good memory. I remember things that I am not too sure why I still remember them but I do. Sometime it proves itself useful. Music, I know my music. Lyrics, artists and albums. I am usually pretty good. Work, I have stored what I though wouldn't be pertinent information, but it has come in handy.
What happened to kids....I asked my 10 year old son to take the garbage out for me this evening....he cried. Are you serious???? I was doing dishes, vacuuming, dusting and pretending to clean my room at 10. Where does he get that thought that he doesn't have to help out around the house? I have never said don't worry buddy...Mom will do it. Pfft, are you kidding me!!! I was raised to help out, whether you wanted to or not. Most of the time I didn't want to. I still have issues cleaning my room!! But I do it, now I enjoy cleaning, for the most part. So when he came back in and sulked to his room hoping to hide from me, I made him come back out and help me do the dishes. Dishes he is fine with. But the thought of having to put his pants back on and go out was waaaaay too much work. Good Grief!! I don't get it. But I am probably not supposed too. That would be life.
There is going to be a new face to look out into the world soon (it is NOT me). I cannot wait to meet this tiny human. He/she will loved like no other. They are truly a miracle and I am so happy that I have opportunity to be apart of their life. As we wait for their arrival I have thought of all the wonderful things they will be able to see. I hope the places they will get to go and the love that they will feel from their parents and close family and friends. Growing up hearing stories of their family and finding out all sorts of funny things about their parents. Growing up in a loving home is one of the most important things. And this baby will have all of that. Their parents are two of the most amazing people I know. I am blessed to be "auntie" I take that role very seriously. There is nothing better than being Auntie. I get to spoil them to the end of the earth and back. Mom and Dad cannot say anything because what Auntie says at the time will win....Aunties always win!! Rescuing Mom when she is at her last wit end and helping in anyway that I can.
As you first peer into this world I want you to know:
The world can be cruel, don't let it bring you down.
You can accomplish anything your heart desires.
Patience and perseverance will get you far in your life.
Always know you have someone to talk to even when you are afraid.
You have a guardian angel. She is always watching over and protecting you. She will listen when no one else will.
You are loved.
You will make mistakes, they don't define you.
Don't let the negative things take control, there is always 2 positives to 1 negative.
Always believe in yourself.
Hard work pays off.
Listen to your parents, they are usually right.
Dance like no one is watching and sing even if sounds bad.
And know that I love you. Always. I will always be here, I love your Mama and will do anything for you and her. Now....geeeeettt oooouuuuttt!!!
2. restlessly eager
Patient: 1. able to accept or tolerate delays, problems, or suffering with out becoming annoyed or anxious.
As I am sitting here, drinking my decaf Chai tea and keeping my phone close.....
We are either coming or going. Most of us don't know which we are doing at the time we are doing it. I know I am usually wandering around aimlessly hoping I figure out why I left the room to begin with....I am terrified to know how I will be as I get older. The other day I walked to work, which I used to do all the time, at ten to five I left my desk in search to start my car. I walked into another part of work and realized that I won't find my car. It was left in it's parking spot. I felt like a fool. Got a good laugh out of it, I blame my children. I think I have a good memory. I remember things that I am not too sure why I still remember them but I do. Sometime it proves itself useful. Music, I know my music. Lyrics, artists and albums. I am usually pretty good. Work, I have stored what I though wouldn't be pertinent information, but it has come in handy.
What happened to kids....I asked my 10 year old son to take the garbage out for me this evening....he cried. Are you serious???? I was doing dishes, vacuuming, dusting and pretending to clean my room at 10. Where does he get that thought that he doesn't have to help out around the house? I have never said don't worry buddy...Mom will do it. Pfft, are you kidding me!!! I was raised to help out, whether you wanted to or not. Most of the time I didn't want to. I still have issues cleaning my room!! But I do it, now I enjoy cleaning, for the most part. So when he came back in and sulked to his room hoping to hide from me, I made him come back out and help me do the dishes. Dishes he is fine with. But the thought of having to put his pants back on and go out was waaaaay too much work. Good Grief!! I don't get it. But I am probably not supposed too. That would be life.
There is going to be a new face to look out into the world soon (it is NOT me). I cannot wait to meet this tiny human. He/she will loved like no other. They are truly a miracle and I am so happy that I have opportunity to be apart of their life. As we wait for their arrival I have thought of all the wonderful things they will be able to see. I hope the places they will get to go and the love that they will feel from their parents and close family and friends. Growing up hearing stories of their family and finding out all sorts of funny things about their parents. Growing up in a loving home is one of the most important things. And this baby will have all of that. Their parents are two of the most amazing people I know. I am blessed to be "auntie" I take that role very seriously. There is nothing better than being Auntie. I get to spoil them to the end of the earth and back. Mom and Dad cannot say anything because what Auntie says at the time will win....Aunties always win!! Rescuing Mom when she is at her last wit end and helping in anyway that I can.
As you first peer into this world I want you to know:
The world can be cruel, don't let it bring you down.
You can accomplish anything your heart desires.
Patience and perseverance will get you far in your life.
Always know you have someone to talk to even when you are afraid.
You have a guardian angel. She is always watching over and protecting you. She will listen when no one else will.
You are loved.
You will make mistakes, they don't define you.
Don't let the negative things take control, there is always 2 positives to 1 negative.
Always believe in yourself.
Hard work pays off.
Listen to your parents, they are usually right.
Dance like no one is watching and sing even if sounds bad.
And know that I love you. Always. I will always be here, I love your Mama and will do anything for you and her. Now....geeeeettt oooouuuuttt!!!
Wednesday, 31 December 2014
The year that changed everything
Never did I think I would end up where I am right now. Sitting here in my bed, listening to music and having my morning coffee, only because my headache is too strong for tea, thinking about the past events of this year. It has been crazy to say the least. A crazy I don't regret or want to change. Life has a way of making its way. Whether it be something you want to endure or something you just want to pass quickly so you can move on. This year was full of life. Changes happened but change is inevitable. I love my life. I have always loved my life. I have a family support system unlike anything else. Watching the pride on my parents faces when I made the national team this year for Darts was amazing. I honestly didn't think I would make it but a few good days and there I was. Sitting 4th on the provincial team. Also the support I received when I moved back home with the kids after I made the decision to leave my marriage. They are amazing people, if you don't have great parents to encourage you and push you along I am sorry. Friends are also my greatest support system. They have seen me at my best and at my worst. I am crazy at best. I have the greatest friends who support my crazy and all right there with me. We don't always see eye to eye on everything but who does? You have to have different idea and ideals in order to maintain a healthy relationship. If everyone thought the same thing the world would suck. I pretty much have an opinion for everything.
2014 has been full of ups and downs. I saw Hedley twice......highlight for sure. Nothing like seeing your favourite band up close and "personal" Saw the Backstreet Boys with my two greatest and oldest friends. That was phenomenal. Spending time with my two favourite people is always a great thing. The shenanigans we get up too is always fun. Also took my son to go see Blake Shelton. His first concert. I loved it and I hope that he enjoyed himself. Also took in a few under the radar bands. The Gay Nineties was amazing as well as The Darcys. I love music. If I could afford to go to all bands that come through the city I would. I am looking forward to music and concerts in 2015.
I have said it before it has been a crazy year. Work changed. I have been basically at the same desk for 7.5 years. Working for some of the greatest doctors in Saskatchewan. I had the same 6 doctors for a good almost 3 years. In August I moved to another area in the clinic and work for 4 more of the greatest Doctors in the province. I love my job. I love the people I work with. I have built great relationships over the past almost 8 years. The change wasn't easy. I liked my old desk. A lot. It was a blast. Never a dull moment for sure. Always laughing. My new desk is quieter, not the central place of people. Still never a dull moment. The doctors are just as funny. I have known them all for a long time but not seeing them everyday (yes that happens in a clinic with 25 Doctors) and not working with them on a daily basis before I moved made it different. Now we all have our systems. I have complete control over my area....thus feeding my OCD a little. I like my job.
If you aren't happy in your life, change it. Be your kind of happy. No one else can make you happy but you. Take the steps necessary to become who you have always wanted to be. Nothing is out of reach. You can do and be anything. Don't let negative people in. They will bring you down and stunt you. You are beautiful no matter what. We are all here for a reason.
To those in my life helping me discover me again, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. You have no idea how much I value you. For the most part you know you are. To those who I don't know that well but are still very important I thank you. To your little things, you posts on IG for me, and embracing me with only meeting me once, I thank you. For being ever as crazy as I am. And to the other who we haven't always seen eye to eye I thank you. For many things, for challenging me, for being an important part in one most important people in my life's life. For making me smile on basically daily basis, I cannot wait to actually meet you face to face next year.
Chickipoo....I miss you everyday. I love you. Skyping with you on Christmas eve was a big highlight for sure. It took way too long tho. We should have done it sooner. I can't wait for the next time. We should with the kids!!
"I am no longer terrified of being alone because I am no longer terrified of myself" ~ Jacob Hoggard
Love ya
Me
2014 has been full of ups and downs. I saw Hedley twice......highlight for sure. Nothing like seeing your favourite band up close and "personal" Saw the Backstreet Boys with my two greatest and oldest friends. That was phenomenal. Spending time with my two favourite people is always a great thing. The shenanigans we get up too is always fun. Also took my son to go see Blake Shelton. His first concert. I loved it and I hope that he enjoyed himself. Also took in a few under the radar bands. The Gay Nineties was amazing as well as The Darcys. I love music. If I could afford to go to all bands that come through the city I would. I am looking forward to music and concerts in 2015.
I have said it before it has been a crazy year. Work changed. I have been basically at the same desk for 7.5 years. Working for some of the greatest doctors in Saskatchewan. I had the same 6 doctors for a good almost 3 years. In August I moved to another area in the clinic and work for 4 more of the greatest Doctors in the province. I love my job. I love the people I work with. I have built great relationships over the past almost 8 years. The change wasn't easy. I liked my old desk. A lot. It was a blast. Never a dull moment for sure. Always laughing. My new desk is quieter, not the central place of people. Still never a dull moment. The doctors are just as funny. I have known them all for a long time but not seeing them everyday (yes that happens in a clinic with 25 Doctors) and not working with them on a daily basis before I moved made it different. Now we all have our systems. I have complete control over my area....thus feeding my OCD a little. I like my job.
If you aren't happy in your life, change it. Be your kind of happy. No one else can make you happy but you. Take the steps necessary to become who you have always wanted to be. Nothing is out of reach. You can do and be anything. Don't let negative people in. They will bring you down and stunt you. You are beautiful no matter what. We are all here for a reason.
To those in my life helping me discover me again, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. You have no idea how much I value you. For the most part you know you are. To those who I don't know that well but are still very important I thank you. To your little things, you posts on IG for me, and embracing me with only meeting me once, I thank you. For being ever as crazy as I am. And to the other who we haven't always seen eye to eye I thank you. For many things, for challenging me, for being an important part in one most important people in my life's life. For making me smile on basically daily basis, I cannot wait to actually meet you face to face next year.
Chickipoo....I miss you everyday. I love you. Skyping with you on Christmas eve was a big highlight for sure. It took way too long tho. We should have done it sooner. I can't wait for the next time. We should with the kids!!
"I am no longer terrified of being alone because I am no longer terrified of myself" ~ Jacob Hoggard
Love ya
Me
Tuesday, 23 September 2014
Get off your high horse......
This is completely my own opinion. I do not mean to stir the pot. A tweet was made the other day that really rubbed me the wrong way. It was regarding the water used in the ALS ice bucket challenges and how it wasn't done in other countries because they don't have the luxury of clean running water. A known person made this comment. Before I start....I am going to post some facts that I made sure I found before posting this. I have stewed on this statement for over 24 hours now. It's just as aggravating now as it was when it was posted.
~ More than 70% of fresh water is used for agriculture.
~10% is used for human consumption.
~783 million people do not have access to clean and safe water, meaning 1 in 9 worldwide do not have access to safe and clean drinking water.
~89% of the worlds population has access to improved drinking water.
~There are 500 000 diarrhoeal deaths per year.
~Diarrhoea is no longer among the 5 leading causes of death. It is still in the top 10.
~8.2 million people died from cancer in 2012. It is the leading cause of death worldwide
~Chronic disease causes 60% of deaths worldwide. 80% of those deaths occur in low and middle income countries.
~Outdoor air pollution in cities are rural areas caused 3.7million premature deaths in 2012. 88% of those deaths occurred in low to middle income countries.
~80% due to heart disease and strokes
14% due to COPD and lower respiratory infections.
6% due to lung cancer.
~Tobacco kills 6 million people year.
~More than 5 million are a result of direct tobacco use, more than 600 000 are the result of non smokers exposed to second hand smoke.
~1 person dies every six seconds from tobacco, that's 1 in 10 adult deaths.
~35% women worldwide have experienced violence from a spouse or significant other.
~More than 2000 children die from an injury that could have been prevented.
~ 6.3 million children under 5 died in 2013, that's almost 17000 a day.....
~83% of deaths are caused by neonatal or nutritional conditions.
~450 000 people are diagnosed with ALS every year and they all succumb to this within 2 to 3 years. It is fatal.
The top 10 leading causes of death in the world in 2012
1. Ischaemic heart disease
2. Stroke
3. COPD
4. Lower respiratory infections
5. Trachea bronchus, lung cancers
6. HIV/AIDS
7. Diarrhoeal diseases
8. Diabetes mellitus
9. Road Injury
10. Hypertensive Heart disease.
Celebrities or people with influence are approached by organizations to help them spread the word of what could be done to help those who need it. Be it clean drinking water or helping make Cancer a word of the past. We would all like to see all of the world issued irraticated. But that takes all kinds of people helping out will all organizations. I don't understand why they think their charity is more important than another charity. It is complete bullshit. I get what they are doing. I firmly believe in helping those who need it. I do not agree with you telling me that just because people where doing the bucket challenge makes them any less than a person because there are children in Kenya who do not have complete access to clean and fresh water.....think about that the next time you open a bottle of water....or you have a nice warm shower after being out for days in the wilderness..... Just because people are helping fight a cause doesn't make it any less important that the cause you believe in and are helping with.
They push their charities and organizations on their minions. And they all follow. I am sure everyone has donated because their favorite celebrity has said it will help out people in need. I have grown up watching ads for all sorts of charities. I have my charities that I believe in . Some are local and some are worldwide. I believe everyone at some point needs to help out. Not to make yourself feel better but to help make a difference. If you think about how much celebrities make by doing either movies, music or any other form of arts, authors, directors, public speakers. They make enough money to probably help fix a huge portion of the worlds problems....do they? No. Why because they go to these countries and push their minions to make a difference. And then go home at the end of the day and sleep in their big cushy beds and that's it. Until they are approached again to do the exact same thing. Not all celebs are like that either. I am not generalizing about them all. But how often are they helping out at home? Half of the united states is struggling. They have homeless and starving adults and children. And what do they do? They turn away. It's shameful.
Just because we help out with different organizations doesn't make us any less of a person. That is the impression I got from this person. That because some donated to ALS, who have most likely donated to other causes and issues that are concerning, they are getting shamed because they poured some water on their heads. Piss off. Seriously. Do not think you are better than me because your status helps you help out in a bigger way. Everyone does their part in their own way. Do not imply that what I am doing is wrong because you believe in something else.
Get off you pedestal and look around you. There is more than one world issue at hand. Everyone is trying to their part.
In closing I am adding a list of charities...I know there are some that I have missed and I am sorry. Also, please look within your city and see what you can do to help. There is always things you can do, help at a soup kitchen, food banks and lots of other things. I am not perfect. But I do not take for granted what I have and what I have been given in my life, when there are millions struggling to survive day to day. Just get off your high horse.....
Charities
www.heartandstroke.com click on Donate Now
www.lung.ca/donate-don/index_e.php
www.cdnaids.ca/helpcasfightaids
www.freethechildren.com/donate
www.thewaterproject.org/donate
www.cancer.ca click Donate
www.diabetes.ca click Donate
www.crohnsandcolitis.ca click Donate Now
www.als.ca/en/donate
www.redcross.ca/donate
(I found my facts on the WHO website)
Like I said before this is completely my opinion.
~Me~
~ More than 70% of fresh water is used for agriculture.
~10% is used for human consumption.
~783 million people do not have access to clean and safe water, meaning 1 in 9 worldwide do not have access to safe and clean drinking water.
~89% of the worlds population has access to improved drinking water.
~There are 500 000 diarrhoeal deaths per year.
~Diarrhoea is no longer among the 5 leading causes of death. It is still in the top 10.
~8.2 million people died from cancer in 2012. It is the leading cause of death worldwide
~Chronic disease causes 60% of deaths worldwide. 80% of those deaths occur in low and middle income countries.
~Outdoor air pollution in cities are rural areas caused 3.7million premature deaths in 2012. 88% of those deaths occurred in low to middle income countries.
~80% due to heart disease and strokes
14% due to COPD and lower respiratory infections.
6% due to lung cancer.
~Tobacco kills 6 million people year.
~More than 5 million are a result of direct tobacco use, more than 600 000 are the result of non smokers exposed to second hand smoke.
~1 person dies every six seconds from tobacco, that's 1 in 10 adult deaths.
~35% women worldwide have experienced violence from a spouse or significant other.
~More than 2000 children die from an injury that could have been prevented.
~ 6.3 million children under 5 died in 2013, that's almost 17000 a day.....
~83% of deaths are caused by neonatal or nutritional conditions.
~450 000 people are diagnosed with ALS every year and they all succumb to this within 2 to 3 years. It is fatal.
The top 10 leading causes of death in the world in 2012
1. Ischaemic heart disease
2. Stroke
3. COPD
4. Lower respiratory infections
5. Trachea bronchus, lung cancers
6. HIV/AIDS
7. Diarrhoeal diseases
8. Diabetes mellitus
9. Road Injury
10. Hypertensive Heart disease.
Celebrities or people with influence are approached by organizations to help them spread the word of what could be done to help those who need it. Be it clean drinking water or helping make Cancer a word of the past. We would all like to see all of the world issued irraticated. But that takes all kinds of people helping out will all organizations. I don't understand why they think their charity is more important than another charity. It is complete bullshit. I get what they are doing. I firmly believe in helping those who need it. I do not agree with you telling me that just because people where doing the bucket challenge makes them any less than a person because there are children in Kenya who do not have complete access to clean and fresh water.....think about that the next time you open a bottle of water....or you have a nice warm shower after being out for days in the wilderness..... Just because people are helping fight a cause doesn't make it any less important that the cause you believe in and are helping with.
They push their charities and organizations on their minions. And they all follow. I am sure everyone has donated because their favorite celebrity has said it will help out people in need. I have grown up watching ads for all sorts of charities. I have my charities that I believe in . Some are local and some are worldwide. I believe everyone at some point needs to help out. Not to make yourself feel better but to help make a difference. If you think about how much celebrities make by doing either movies, music or any other form of arts, authors, directors, public speakers. They make enough money to probably help fix a huge portion of the worlds problems....do they? No. Why because they go to these countries and push their minions to make a difference. And then go home at the end of the day and sleep in their big cushy beds and that's it. Until they are approached again to do the exact same thing. Not all celebs are like that either. I am not generalizing about them all. But how often are they helping out at home? Half of the united states is struggling. They have homeless and starving adults and children. And what do they do? They turn away. It's shameful.
Just because we help out with different organizations doesn't make us any less of a person. That is the impression I got from this person. That because some donated to ALS, who have most likely donated to other causes and issues that are concerning, they are getting shamed because they poured some water on their heads. Piss off. Seriously. Do not think you are better than me because your status helps you help out in a bigger way. Everyone does their part in their own way. Do not imply that what I am doing is wrong because you believe in something else.
Get off you pedestal and look around you. There is more than one world issue at hand. Everyone is trying to their part.
In closing I am adding a list of charities...I know there are some that I have missed and I am sorry. Also, please look within your city and see what you can do to help. There is always things you can do, help at a soup kitchen, food banks and lots of other things. I am not perfect. But I do not take for granted what I have and what I have been given in my life, when there are millions struggling to survive day to day. Just get off your high horse.....
Charities
www.heartandstroke.com click on Donate Now
www.lung.ca/donate-don/index_e.php
www.cdnaids.ca/helpcasfightaids
www.freethechildren.com/donate
www.thewaterproject.org/donate
www.cancer.ca click Donate
www.diabetes.ca click Donate
www.crohnsandcolitis.ca click Donate Now
www.als.ca/en/donate
www.redcross.ca/donate
(I found my facts on the WHO website)
Like I said before this is completely my opinion.
~Me~
Saturday, 13 September 2014
A normal seeming day....now with a different meaning
Happy Sept 13th......today would have been my 6th wedding anniversary. Yep. Just six. Together for a total of 12. Today was the day I said I do. And I didn't. Today is going to be a day I feel I let everyone down. My parents paid for my wedding.......that was a waste. People came celebrate the day. That's gone. Today is the day I got up early with my two best friends and my cousin and got ready for the day. Hair, make up the whole bit. Put on my dress. I loved my dress. Dominic put on his little suit...omg was he cute. Then the limo came...yes my Dad got me a limo. We headed down and I got married to who I thought (even tho he proposed 3 times prior and I said no) I would spend the rest of my life with. You can change your last name.....but you can't change the person who had it first. Then pictures. Oh man. We had great pictures. I loved them. The the supper. Dancing with my Dad. I'm a Daddy's girl. I love him more than life. I loved our dance. I was a special moment. Dancing with my friends and family. I love to dance so I hold those dances close. The gift opening the next day. Jesus. I am a horrible person. Making people spend all that money and now for what? God I am bad person.
Why couldn't I make it work? Why didn't I just become the person he wanted me to be?
I am sorry for letting everyone down.
~~
Why couldn't I make it work? Why didn't I just become the person he wanted me to be?
I am sorry for letting everyone down.
~~
Thursday, 14 August 2014
Wow......they say things happen in threes.....
Today is the day where I wish I could disappear and not deal with life.
The City cut off my power sometime yesterday afternoon.....great! So I called this morning and they were confused because there should be power running to my apartment. Nope....still not. So my land lady called to see what was going on....they had me listed at 211 4230 .....not 211 4234.....I was paying for power for a condo that I didn't inhabit....super....I got a call about an hour later at work saying that all was fixed and that my power should be restored...super! And an email address for a claims department for the food that I will be losing due to the lack of power that I haven't had for the past 20 hours. Nice!! I get home at 5....nope...no power...FML I just want to pack up and head for the camper!!! So I leave and go to my parents....they have rum....and power. OH...and the kicker.....it it 38 degrees celsius today......great day to have no power...hottest effing day of the whole year!!!! YES!!! I call the land lady...she is just a pissed as I am. So the city calls her and say apparently they have been trying to call me.....my phone has NOT rang. They are worried that I have something on because there is quite the load on my meter....I have nothing on......no power remember....nothing that was running before the power was cut...beside the fridge....EFF. So they didn't turn it on. My landlady checked my apartment (I'm at Mom's drinking rum....) Nope nothing running....so she goes and flips the breaker...POWER!!!!! But there was a heavy load of power....she is phoning them back to tell them that that isn't right and I shouldn't have anymore issues!! Yay!! One of today's issues fixed!!! Thank god.....I am a effing mess!!
My cell phone slipped and fell off my lap at the end of July....screen broke...great!! So what do I do...go down to my cell phone provider and see what needs to be done...my phone still works but I have having a broken screen...to fix it....300-400 bucks...ouch....but do I have extended warranty they guy asks...I dunno look. YES!! I sure do...why because I know myself...I will break the phone...great! Get a number for the company who deals with them for extended warranty. Whoo hoo.....I call them and they either want 381 dollars which is the remaining balance for my phone charged to my credit card and then they will send me a new phone. Once I get the new phone I hook it up and then send them my broken phone and once they get that they will refund me 281....100 dollar deductible. OR I send them my phone, leaving me phoneless, and the $100 dollar deductible and once they receive it they will ship me a new phone....Option 1. So I explain to my boss, what the situation is and he goes I can help. I will give you the money and take it out of your benefits and then you can just pay it back through your deductions for your benefits...yay!! Greatest boss ever!!! So I get the money, apply it to my visa and then call the company back and start my claim. Whoop whoop. Visa is charged. They will send my new phone out within 24 to 48 hours and I should get it within 2-4 business days! Nothing.....nothing.....nothing....frustrated....still nothing....okok...I will check the tracking number and see what eff is going on. So I do...this morning....while dealing with my effing power issue. The website says they haven't shipped my phone because my visa was decline....uhhhh...nope nope it wasn't. I have the charge on the visa. So what do I do...I call the numbers I have....neither one of them work....I google the company...their website....gone....great....now what the eff am I supposed to do. I call my cell phone dealer...I get a number of a guy in the north end dealing with the claims end. Ok super. I call him....he tells me that the company has basically vanished. Their numbers are disconnected and the website doesn't exist anymore....are you effing kidding me!!! I wanna hit someone with a fucking chair!! So he takes my number, email address and claim number. And then tells me he will email next week to tell me what they are doing for those affected by this, also, to call my visa company and report the fraud...because this is what he is calling it. Ok alright sure. I call my visa company. I start a claim with them about the charge on my visa. OMG!!!! So I am waiting to hear back from them about the charge and from my cellular company. Sure I can live with my phone. It still works. It just looks beat up. Which it is.
So I am sitting at my Mom's alone, they are camping...god I wish I was camping, drink a rum and trying not to have a total melt down. They say things happen in threes......I have had two...I stayed home from Volleyball tonight....didn't really feel like the third to be a ball in the face again.
Buh bye
The City cut off my power sometime yesterday afternoon.....great! So I called this morning and they were confused because there should be power running to my apartment. Nope....still not. So my land lady called to see what was going on....they had me listed at 211 4230 .....not 211 4234.....I was paying for power for a condo that I didn't inhabit....super....I got a call about an hour later at work saying that all was fixed and that my power should be restored...super! And an email address for a claims department for the food that I will be losing due to the lack of power that I haven't had for the past 20 hours. Nice!! I get home at 5....nope...no power...FML I just want to pack up and head for the camper!!! So I leave and go to my parents....they have rum....and power. OH...and the kicker.....it it 38 degrees celsius today......great day to have no power...hottest effing day of the whole year!!!! YES!!! I call the land lady...she is just a pissed as I am. So the city calls her and say apparently they have been trying to call me.....my phone has NOT rang. They are worried that I have something on because there is quite the load on my meter....I have nothing on......no power remember....nothing that was running before the power was cut...beside the fridge....EFF. So they didn't turn it on. My landlady checked my apartment (I'm at Mom's drinking rum....) Nope nothing running....so she goes and flips the breaker...POWER!!!!! But there was a heavy load of power....she is phoning them back to tell them that that isn't right and I shouldn't have anymore issues!! Yay!! One of today's issues fixed!!! Thank god.....I am a effing mess!!
My cell phone slipped and fell off my lap at the end of July....screen broke...great!! So what do I do...go down to my cell phone provider and see what needs to be done...my phone still works but I have having a broken screen...to fix it....300-400 bucks...ouch....but do I have extended warranty they guy asks...I dunno look. YES!! I sure do...why because I know myself...I will break the phone...great! Get a number for the company who deals with them for extended warranty. Whoo hoo.....I call them and they either want 381 dollars which is the remaining balance for my phone charged to my credit card and then they will send me a new phone. Once I get the new phone I hook it up and then send them my broken phone and once they get that they will refund me 281....100 dollar deductible. OR I send them my phone, leaving me phoneless, and the $100 dollar deductible and once they receive it they will ship me a new phone....Option 1. So I explain to my boss, what the situation is and he goes I can help. I will give you the money and take it out of your benefits and then you can just pay it back through your deductions for your benefits...yay!! Greatest boss ever!!! So I get the money, apply it to my visa and then call the company back and start my claim. Whoop whoop. Visa is charged. They will send my new phone out within 24 to 48 hours and I should get it within 2-4 business days! Nothing.....nothing.....nothing....frustrated....still nothing....okok...I will check the tracking number and see what eff is going on. So I do...this morning....while dealing with my effing power issue. The website says they haven't shipped my phone because my visa was decline....uhhhh...nope nope it wasn't. I have the charge on the visa. So what do I do...I call the numbers I have....neither one of them work....I google the company...their website....gone....great....now what the eff am I supposed to do. I call my cell phone dealer...I get a number of a guy in the north end dealing with the claims end. Ok super. I call him....he tells me that the company has basically vanished. Their numbers are disconnected and the website doesn't exist anymore....are you effing kidding me!!! I wanna hit someone with a fucking chair!! So he takes my number, email address and claim number. And then tells me he will email next week to tell me what they are doing for those affected by this, also, to call my visa company and report the fraud...because this is what he is calling it. Ok alright sure. I call my visa company. I start a claim with them about the charge on my visa. OMG!!!! So I am waiting to hear back from them about the charge and from my cellular company. Sure I can live with my phone. It still works. It just looks beat up. Which it is.
So I am sitting at my Mom's alone, they are camping...god I wish I was camping, drink a rum and trying not to have a total melt down. They say things happen in threes......I have had two...I stayed home from Volleyball tonight....didn't really feel like the third to be a ball in the face again.
Buh bye
Sunday, 3 August 2014
Chapter 2 - New beginnings
July 11th.... the day I made the decision that I couldn't be in my marriage any more. For the past 12 years I have loved the same person. Married for almost 6. I didn't have the fight to fight.
We have spent the past 12 years fighting. Over anything and everything. Yes we did have times that were great. We have 2 beautiful children together. They are my life. We are different people. We don't even have the same groups of friends anymore. We were two separate people trying to make it work. I couldn't.
I am not saying I am perfect and I didnt contribute to the problems. I am half of the relationship. I know I didn't make it easy. But I wanted the person I was expected to be and if you cannot accept me for who I am from the beginning. You're right it's not going to work.
Now I am me. I have a new place, new stuff. A vehicle of my own. It feels nice. I have the support of my family and wonderful friends. I am happy. I haven't been for a long time. I am on MY own.
Who knows what is ahead of me. But nothing is going to stop me from being myself and happy anymore.
Adiós
We have spent the past 12 years fighting. Over anything and everything. Yes we did have times that were great. We have 2 beautiful children together. They are my life. We are different people. We don't even have the same groups of friends anymore. We were two separate people trying to make it work. I couldn't.
I am not saying I am perfect and I didnt contribute to the problems. I am half of the relationship. I know I didn't make it easy. But I wanted the person I was expected to be and if you cannot accept me for who I am from the beginning. You're right it's not going to work.
Now I am me. I have a new place, new stuff. A vehicle of my own. It feels nice. I have the support of my family and wonderful friends. I am happy. I haven't been for a long time. I am on MY own.
Who knows what is ahead of me. But nothing is going to stop me from being myself and happy anymore.
Adiós
Friday, 20 June 2014
I don't get it
If you know me, I love my friends. I have my select few who mean the world to me. This past week I have basically lost respect for 2 of their husbands. Seriously what is with men treating girls like shit and walking all over them. It's disgusting. Yes I am calling the kettle black. My marriage is anything but perfect. I have been through a lot. A lot of girls would have left. I probably should have at some point. But I haven't. But this has nothing to do with me.
I just don't think girls deserve the shit they are put through. Cheating husbands...I mean it in anyway. Talking to a girl about topics that you shouldn't talk about while you are married. You are disrespecting your wife and the girl you are having these discussions with. And then going out on separate occasions with the girl who isn't your wife....fuck you...seriously. I am done with you. You have been removed from my life. I love my best friend and she comes first always. Yes I have been cheated on...not the greatest feeling. I understand you want to work through your issues. But seriously!!!
Being treated like shit isn't fun. Talk to your wife like she is the most important being in your life. Because she is. If you wouldn't talk to your mother like that do NOT talk to your wife like that. Do not dummy your wife/significant other. She is smart and has to put up with your bullshit everyday. She should throw your ass to the curb. But she doesn't she sticks with you. I think it's bull. Yes, pot calling the kettle black. I just don't like to see my friends get hurt. I wish men would realize what they do to us and change it accordingly.
What happened to my Dad's generation? He is a gentleman, treats my mom like gold. Flowers on Valentine's Day, Mother's day, her birthday and just because. He can cook, clean and do his own laundry. Baah! I am frustrated with how things have changed. Yes I am snowballing into other things. But I have a lot on my mind and now somewhere to put it. All of these opinions are my own. Yes they will probably cause some people issues with me but seriously. I don't care. This is what I am thinking.
I still don't know what the eff I am doing!!!
I just don't think girls deserve the shit they are put through. Cheating husbands...I mean it in anyway. Talking to a girl about topics that you shouldn't talk about while you are married. You are disrespecting your wife and the girl you are having these discussions with. And then going out on separate occasions with the girl who isn't your wife....fuck you...seriously. I am done with you. You have been removed from my life. I love my best friend and she comes first always. Yes I have been cheated on...not the greatest feeling. I understand you want to work through your issues. But seriously!!!
Being treated like shit isn't fun. Talk to your wife like she is the most important being in your life. Because she is. If you wouldn't talk to your mother like that do NOT talk to your wife like that. Do not dummy your wife/significant other. She is smart and has to put up with your bullshit everyday. She should throw your ass to the curb. But she doesn't she sticks with you. I think it's bull. Yes, pot calling the kettle black. I just don't like to see my friends get hurt. I wish men would realize what they do to us and change it accordingly.
What happened to my Dad's generation? He is a gentleman, treats my mom like gold. Flowers on Valentine's Day, Mother's day, her birthday and just because. He can cook, clean and do his own laundry. Baah! I am frustrated with how things have changed. Yes I am snowballing into other things. But I have a lot on my mind and now somewhere to put it. All of these opinions are my own. Yes they will probably cause some people issues with me but seriously. I don't care. This is what I am thinking.
I still don't know what the eff I am doing!!!
Friday, 13 June 2014
Day 4 - Mixed Doubles
A day late but last night was a late one!
Mixed doubles was better than ladies doubles by far. Didn't make it out of our section but my darts were better. Warming up they felt good like they usually do, even threw a 171 during warm up! Felt good. For my non dart peeps, a 171 is 3 triple 19's. It's the 180 of 19s. Play started slow. We struggled a little bit. I was paired with Ken Friesen, great guy and great dart player. We found a groove here and there. Had a couple good matches. Then it happened....I threw a 171 while playing!! Made my fucking day! I have only even been able to throw a 171 while warming up. So I was pumped. We lost the match but I was still excited.
No Saskatchewan teams made it out of their sections. Danny McKenzie and Kathy Kerrigan had a playoff to make it out but they weren't able too......I was the chalker (new career I tell ya!)
Oh and just a side note....don't move your gum around while you chalk....you are not allowed to move a fucking muscle.....ask me about it....I have a story! Dummy.
We had out banquet yesterday night as well. They handed out awards and trophies. Food was good. Came back early and Skyped with Julius and the Kids. Kierstyn is a hilarious kid.
Today is the Nodor cup and tomorrow is the Canadian Open. Nationals are done my friends. :) I had a great time. Met some awesome people. Today I am also going to do some shopping. Hope the weather hold out. Meh....it's just rain.
Check ya later!
Mixed doubles was better than ladies doubles by far. Didn't make it out of our section but my darts were better. Warming up they felt good like they usually do, even threw a 171 during warm up! Felt good. For my non dart peeps, a 171 is 3 triple 19's. It's the 180 of 19s. Play started slow. We struggled a little bit. I was paired with Ken Friesen, great guy and great dart player. We found a groove here and there. Had a couple good matches. Then it happened....I threw a 171 while playing!! Made my fucking day! I have only even been able to throw a 171 while warming up. So I was pumped. We lost the match but I was still excited.
No Saskatchewan teams made it out of their sections. Danny McKenzie and Kathy Kerrigan had a playoff to make it out but they weren't able too......I was the chalker (new career I tell ya!)
Oh and just a side note....don't move your gum around while you chalk....you are not allowed to move a fucking muscle.....ask me about it....I have a story! Dummy.
We had out banquet yesterday night as well. They handed out awards and trophies. Food was good. Came back early and Skyped with Julius and the Kids. Kierstyn is a hilarious kid.
Today is the Nodor cup and tomorrow is the Canadian Open. Nationals are done my friends. :) I had a great time. Met some awesome people. Today I am also going to do some shopping. Hope the weather hold out. Meh....it's just rain.
Check ya later!
Wednesday, 11 June 2014
Day 3 - Ladies singles
Today was better. Fruit Loops and coffee for brekkie! Back to basics!!!!
Warming up was good. My section wasn't too bad. I took more than yesterday. I only got 2 wins for the day, but I knew walking into Nationals that there were a lot of players who are better than me and to just play my game and that is what I did. Yes, I should have had more outs. And trust me I was hard on myself. I got in my head, analyzed my stance.....screwed myself up for a game and then slapped myself back into reality. Played my game and improved big time!!! Wins didn't happen but a all around better day.
3 Sask ladies made it through. Bonnie LaPierre, Cathy Kerrigan and Joan Hodgen. Cathy and Joan were knocked out in the first round. Bonnie made it 1 round further and then was knocked out. Apparently if my dart career doesn't oan out, I am one hell of a chalker!!! Everyone was commenting on my math skills. ...
We had a team supper tonight at Bluenose II. I was good. I had salmon and mashed potatoes. It was good to go out with everyone. After that we walked around the Harbour. Took some pictures and then went to the casino.
Tomorrow is mixed doubles and the banquet.
Another day! Friday is more sight seeing in the afternoon. Going to be so fun!!
Until then!
Warming up was good. My section wasn't too bad. I took more than yesterday. I only got 2 wins for the day, but I knew walking into Nationals that there were a lot of players who are better than me and to just play my game and that is what I did. Yes, I should have had more outs. And trust me I was hard on myself. I got in my head, analyzed my stance.....screwed myself up for a game and then slapped myself back into reality. Played my game and improved big time!!! Wins didn't happen but a all around better day.
3 Sask ladies made it through. Bonnie LaPierre, Cathy Kerrigan and Joan Hodgen. Cathy and Joan were knocked out in the first round. Bonnie made it 1 round further and then was knocked out. Apparently if my dart career doesn't oan out, I am one hell of a chalker!!! Everyone was commenting on my math skills. ...
We had a team supper tonight at Bluenose II. I was good. I had salmon and mashed potatoes. It was good to go out with everyone. After that we walked around the Harbour. Took some pictures and then went to the casino.
Tomorrow is mixed doubles and the banquet.
 |
| Picture from the Harbour. So beautiful! |
Until then!
Tuesday, 10 June 2014
Day 2 - Ladies Doubles
Today was rough!!
Woke up at 6:15 my time....too damn early at home! Got dressed...cannot have breakfast in our jammies....hotel rules. Had and egg, sausage, biscuit and juice. Tomorrow will be cereal.....stick with a good thing. Oh and a tea! I miss my tea!
Took the shuttle to the BMO center. Big place. Google it...it's pretty cool. Grabbed my darts and started practicing....was throwing well. I was feeling good. Tired but good. Announced the march in and ti assemble with our team. Did that. We then listened to a few people talk. The introduced team champions!! Yay to ours. Danny McKenzie and Kathy Kerrigan. Then we threw a while longer. While we waited for team pictures. Did that. I'll post it when I get it.
After running about 30 mins late we finally get started. And that's when it happened. ....I fell apart. Double s isn't my strong suit to begin with. But today was awful. I feel sorry for Joan having to be stuck with me all day. She wasn't playing her best either. It was a bad bad day! I finished 2 games....but when they don't go by finishes but by best of 3 and it's a w or l by your name....like I said bad day!!
I needed to get into a groove and didn't. Painful. I haven't shot sooo shitty for a long time. Welcome to Nationals! Baah! Never been so happy to have a day done!
Kathy Kerrigan and Bonnie LaPierre made it out of their section. Only Saskdoubles team to make it out. Men and women. They made joint 5th!! Yay!!
Went and got subway for supper and some candy to make me feel better ;)
Tomorrow is another day and a whole new game. Cannot beat myself up over a day that is done! Oh...and it rained almost all afternoon/evening. Must have been the weathers fault....right?
Now before I go to bed.....its five to nine here....Thank you to everyone whonhas supported me. All your words of encouragement have been great!!!
Night.
Woke up at 6:15 my time....too damn early at home! Got dressed...cannot have breakfast in our jammies....hotel rules. Had and egg, sausage, biscuit and juice. Tomorrow will be cereal.....stick with a good thing. Oh and a tea! I miss my tea!
Took the shuttle to the BMO center. Big place. Google it...it's pretty cool. Grabbed my darts and started practicing....was throwing well. I was feeling good. Tired but good. Announced the march in and ti assemble with our team. Did that. We then listened to a few people talk. The introduced team champions!! Yay to ours. Danny McKenzie and Kathy Kerrigan. Then we threw a while longer. While we waited for team pictures. Did that. I'll post it when I get it.
After running about 30 mins late we finally get started. And that's when it happened. ....I fell apart. Double s isn't my strong suit to begin with. But today was awful. I feel sorry for Joan having to be stuck with me all day. She wasn't playing her best either. It was a bad bad day! I finished 2 games....but when they don't go by finishes but by best of 3 and it's a w or l by your name....like I said bad day!!
I needed to get into a groove and didn't. Painful. I haven't shot sooo shitty for a long time. Welcome to Nationals! Baah! Never been so happy to have a day done!
Kathy Kerrigan and Bonnie LaPierre made it out of their section. Only Saskdoubles team to make it out. Men and women. They made joint 5th!! Yay!!
Went and got subway for supper and some candy to make me feel better ;)
Tomorrow is another day and a whole new game. Cannot beat myself up over a day that is done! Oh...and it rained almost all afternoon/evening. Must have been the weathers fault....right?
Now before I go to bed.....its five to nine here....Thank you to everyone whonhas supported me. All your words of encouragement have been great!!!
Night.
Monday, 9 June 2014
Made it to Halifax
Made it!! I am sitting my hotel room. I haven't decided in whether i am going to go to bed or stay up a little bit longer. I am exhausted!! I have no idea how people do this all the time.
I am away. Darts starts tomorrow and i am terrified on how i will do. Tomorrow is ladies doubles. Should be interesting. I just have to play my game and thats it. Baah!!
Going to need coffee tomorrow!!!!
I am away. Darts starts tomorrow and i am terrified on how i will do. Tomorrow is ladies doubles. Should be interesting. I just have to play my game and thats it. Baah!!
Going to need coffee tomorrow!!!!
I'm awake
As I am wiping the sleep from my eyes, wondering why I haven't put tea on. I know, I should be getting mobile. I have an hour until I leave and pick up Dad so he can bring me to the airport.
Never been on a plane before....meh. Headed to Calgary first. So I get to wake up get somewhat concious before we fly the long flight from Saskatoon to Calgary...yay...then sit for 3 hours before we fly to Halifax! I better turn the kettle on.
Never been on a plane before....meh. Headed to Calgary first. So I get to wake up get somewhat concious before we fly the long flight from Saskatoon to Calgary...yay...then sit for 3 hours before we fly to Halifax! I better turn the kettle on.
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